51 Questions A Girl Asks Herself When Having Really, Really Bad Sex
As great as sex can be... it really f*cking sucks when it's terrible.
We've all had that one awful experience that's stuck with us since the incident occurred. The PTSD is very real.
These experiences definitely vary depending on whether you are the male or the female, but one thing stands true for both: Fake it 'til you make it.
The faster you want it to be over, the harder you must fake it.
Sure, this has damaging repercussions for the other person as he won't be aware of how terrible the experience is and, as a result, will never realize he needs serious improvement.
But guess what? After this encounter it is no longer your problem -- ever, ever, again.
So what is going through our minds while we lie in pain and agony? These 51 questions...
1. Is it in?
2. Do you think I can just lie here?
3. Oh, God this is never going to end, is it?
4. Sh*t, did I move my laundry from the washer to the dryer?
5. Do I look fat? Actually, I don't even care how fat I feel right now.
6. I'm f*cking starving, do you think he will feed me after?
7. Why would I want to eat with him after?
8. Ugh, how is this still going on?
9. Can you just flip me over so you don't have to see the look of clear boredom on my face?
10. Don't guys usually finish faster that way anyway?
11. Wow, this is terrible; will he be offended if I ask him to hurry up?
12. Am I really upping my number for this?
13. Am I a slut?
14. Can I just pretend this never happened?
15. Does he know any of my friends?
16. Ugh, he totally knows my freshman year roommate from college, will he tell her?
17. We're not even Facebook friends, do you think he's going to add me?
18. Is this is actually still going on?
19. I think we've been in the same position for five minutes, isn't he bored, too?
20. THIS ISN'T THAT HARD. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
21. Why is he not-so hard?
22. Is this my fault? This is definitely not my fault.
23. Did he just ask if he could take off the condom?
24. Who the hell do you think I am? I'm not wasting a trip to the gyno for this sh*t.
25. IS IT OVER?
26. Will I laugh about this to my friends?
27. Or cry?
28. Or kill myself?
29. It doesn't count if it was one time, right?
30. Like that one time sophomore year, it definitely doesn't count, right?
31. Nothing counts?
32. If both people don't finish, it doesn't count, right? RIGHT?
33. Is he going to try and sleep here?
34. Do you think if I play dead, he will hurry the f*ck up?
35. WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?
36. How did I get myself in this situation?
37. What should I eat for dinner?
38. Does this count as my cardio for the day? Just kidding that would imply actual movement.
39. Why is he looking into my eyes? Stop it.
40. When is this going to be over?
41. How do I get him out of my apartment immediately?
42. Can I fake a stomach virus?
43. Is he going to kiss me goodbye?
44. Would he be offended if I turned my head if he tried?
45. HA! Do I even care?
46. How many Instagram followers do I have?
47. Oh God, is he going to follow me? Because I'm definitely not following him.
48. Is going to ask for my number?
49. Am I going to give it to him?
50. Was that a rhetorical question?
51. Ugh, how much am I going to have to drink to forget this ever happened?
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