I am a proud cat lover, and as such, I experience the familiar frustration of all cat owners: You have so much love to give, but you don't know how to show it.
Whether or not your cat is a cuddler (aka not a sh*tty cat), there is always a degree of separation between you and your creature.
Humans and cats basically speak different languages of affection. Humans want to squeeze and hug, and cats want to rub their skulls on your knuckles and/or slash you in the face with their hand-weaponry.
But finally, the time has come for humans to get on their feline friends' level.
The Licki Brush, a new product for cat owners (and winner of the most pornographically named object since the "button"), is a big, weird, fake cat tongue, which affords a loving human the ability to lick his or her cat as if it is a cat-baby.
There is absolutely nothing weird about this at all. Plus, it can also be used to tenderize meat.
A Kickstarter for the terrifying product will soon be underway.
Lick away, creeps. Lick away.