The life of a teenager is relatively simple: If you're not touching your genitals, you're probably trying to get someone else to do it for you. And you're also trying to avoid any awkward situations that may result from those aforementioned activities.
Sadly, this never-ending quest for sex siphons valuable resources from parts of the brain typically reserved for common sense, like the area devoted to subtlety and discretion -- traits that most high school students lack the ability to employ anyway.
Too often, these lapses in judgment lead to the sort of embarrassing moments teenagers try to avoid, like having to rub lube on your mom's feet for forgetting to put the bottle away after having sex with your girlfriend.
Try not to get puke on whatever device you're using to read this. I heard that can be bad for electronics.
I was dating this gorgeous blonde in high school (we will call her Sarah) and our daily routine would be to come home from school, get in bed, have sex and watch some tube until she left to go home. She started taking birth control and it messed with her ability to get wet (at least that is what she told me). We decided to go to a sex shop and get some water based lube to help with that.
I have to put a visual in in your head so bare with me. Get it? Bare? Okay, back to the story.
We were feeling extra horny this particular day. We started our ritual and things were going great! She would jack me off with the lube in her hands and I would finger her with lube on mine. Things were getting pretty juicy (in the literal sense) and decided to experiment with all holes. Using our juicy hands, we grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some on us. We placed the bottle down on the night stand leaving a film of lube, p*ssy juice, ball hair and saliva on the bottle. I got halfway into her before realizing I will need more lube. Grab the bottle and pour some on me. I then proceeded to stroke myself to get it spread out. Then placed the bottle on the night stand leaving an extra film of.... assjuice. The bottle remained there even after we were finished.
We got cleaned up and proceeded with the rest of the ritual by watching some tube just in time for my parents to return from work. We are both laying there, satisfied, wore out and blood red. In walks mom.
"How was school?"
"It was alright."
"Did you do anything exciting?"
"What's this?" She picks up the bottle of lube and Sarah and I both go pale. "Is this lube?"
"Yeah" I said thinking of a way to get out of this awkward situation. "You know how Sarah has ankle and foot pains? I use that to rub her feet." (I thought this would work. I was a kid who just finished having sex).
Dodged a bullet there
"Oh really? So, you wouldn't mind rubbing my feet with it then."
"Mom, I would really rather not. My hands are still tired from rubbing her feet earlier."
"Oh no! I insist. If you really use it for her feet then it would be no problem using it on me."
"Just do it." Sarah says
I stand up and grab the sticky bottle from her hands imagining all the liquids that are caked on it. All the while, Sarah is sitting on the floor imagining the same thing. It's eerily quiet while I pour a bit of lube in my hands. 'am I really about to do this?' I thought to myself. Mom lays on the bed with her feet right towards me. She closes her eyes and tilts her head back. I feel as if I should just confess and get this awkward shit over with. I believe my determination of not wanting to hear the sex talk at this point made me proceed to rub my hands together.
With my hands all lubed up and.... contaminated, I placed my hands on my moms' feet. I start giving a half-assed massage with a completely disgusted look on my face. I try to close my eyes and imagine it to be Sarah just to help with my nausea a little bit.
"Make sure you get my ankles as well"
That sure did fuck up the mental picture.
Here I am. Rubbing pussy, ass, dick lube on my moms' feet and ankles while she is grunting. This is indeed rock bottom. I stare at Sarah with a "Hey! We're in this together" look. Let's not forget a disgusted, concerned and shameful look as well. This goes on for the longest 60 seconds of my life.
"Okay! I'm done!"
She stands up and puts her socks back on. I walk to the bathroom and wash my hands off with close to boiling water. When I return, mom is still standing there and Sarah is sitting on the bed. We are all standing there in shame of what we just did. Then it dawned on me. She knew the entire time! She just wanted to teach us a lesson we'll never forget.
Before she leaves the doorway she very sternly says, "Stop having sex in my house." and walks away.
Needless to say, I started hiding my lube as carefully as I hid my weed.
I don't have any proof that this actually happened, but I'm honestly kind of glad.