How To Make Sense Of The Insanity That Is Donald Trump's Twitter
Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is entertaining. There's no denying this fact. And while he's said a lot of questionable things while on the campaign trail over the past few months, his most interesting statements tend to be reserved for his Twitter handle, @realDonaldTrump.
If you just clicked over to his profile and don't have a clue what he's saying, don't worry. You aren't alone. His tweets are largely indecipherable, which is why we've decided to enlighten our readers and decode some of his strangest tweets of all time:
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country — I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses!
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 10, 2014
Okay, folks, Trump is trying his hand at humor here, which he's been known to do. But, it's also entirely possible that he's being serious. Trump does in fact own a handful of golf courses and may be extending a serious offer to Obama, who's been known to spend some time on the course.
Perhaps the most amusing part is that Obama would only get free lifetime golf at one of the courses. Maybe if Trump had made it two and tagged @POTUS, Obama would have taken him up on it?
Obama is, without question, the WORST EVER president. I predict he will now do something really bad and totally stupid to show manhood!
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 6, 2014
If this isn't the greatest Trump tweet of all time, it has to be ranked near the top. Can't you just hear Trump saying this statement in your head? The way he words “WORST EVER president,” as opposed to saying “worst president ever,” is enough to make you smirk.
But, it's the second sentence that's truly comic gold. What is he trying to say? Is Obama going to show us his manhood?
Our great African American President hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore!
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 28, 2015
There's not much decoding necessary here. Trump is making a clearly racist comment about how he perceives the entire African-American population in the United States.
Nice, Trump. This one should win you some votes.
.@cher--I don't wear a 'rug'— it's mine. And I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn't work.
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 13, 2012
Translation: Despite being very successful and having billions of dollars to my name, I'm still really insecure when it comes to my hair and what others think. So, instead of taking a jab with a dose of humor, I'd prefer to embark in a no-win Twitter battle with a Grammy Award-winning artist.
Pervert alert. @RepWeiner is back on Twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
Aside from being pretty inappropriate, we have to admit that this is a pretty funny tweet. However, it's also ironic.
It seems as if Trump is trying to deflect some of his own perverseness and cradle-robbing tendencies by calling out someone else. Once again, we'll translate this one through the lens of insecurity.
The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive.
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 6, 2012
We'd like to say this is another Trump joke, but he's actually being serious here. In his mind, global warming is a Chinese ploy to destroy the American economy.
Can you imagine if this were true, though? Would we be really pissed off at China, or would we grin and nod to acknowledge we just got served?
It's freezing and snowing in New York--we need global warming!
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
In case you needed more proof that Trump has no concept of what global warming is, here's a second tweet for your viewing pleasure. Because it snowed in New York on November 7, 2012, Trump felt like it was an appropriate time to take a jab at global warming.
Hey @realDonaldTrump - In case you're looking for that tweet you deleted .. I got it right here. pic.twitter.com/a6F98q5xGU
— Lenny Jacobson (@Lennyjacobson) April 17, 2015
You know a Donald Trump tweet is bad when he has to actually delete it from existence. Thankfully, though, many of his millions of followers were kind enough to take a screenshot or two so that this gem of a retweet could live in infamy forever.
Though Trump didn't actually come up with this one-liner, can't we all picture him chuckling to himself and clicking the retweet button? “Like, this definitely couldn't end bad.”
An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that @BarackObama's birth certificate is a fraud.
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 6, 2012
The year 2012 was a great Twitter year for Trump. Remember, this was the year where he broke the news that President Obama's birth certificate was a fraud. Oh, wait, yeah that's never been proven.
In your opinion, what's the best part about this tweet? We feel like the fact that he puts quotations around the term “extremely credible source” is pretty hilarious. Is he calling into question the fact that his source isn't actually that credible?
This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullsh*t has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps, and our GW scientists are stuck in ice
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2014
OK, we promise this is the last global warming tweet. But, this one is too good to leave out.
Who wants to go with us to save all of those scientists who are stuck in ice? You're a coward if you won't join in!
Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 9, 2013
Translation: I'm super insecure, but I feel like the best strategy is to flip the script and call everyone else out for being stupid and insecure. This is the equivalent of being in college and telling your professor, “But, but, but my mom thinks I'm really smart!”
How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama's 'birth certificate' died in plane crash today. All others lived
— Donald J Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 12, 2013
We would like to end our list of Trump tweets with this gem. It shows just how far Trump will go to try to prove a point.
Yes, how amazing that the State Health Director died in plane crash today! I'm sure he meant to type, “Condolences to the family members of the deceased State Health Director,” but his fat fingers must have gotten in the way.