5 Steps To Throwing The Pity Party You Truly Deserve
Whether it's caused by a sudden breakup, getting fired from your job or the discontinuation of your favorite drink at Starbucks, misery can hit you out of nowhere.
While you may not be prepared for an onslaught of woe and heartache, you can at least be equipped to throw a pity party to remember.
I know it's hard to believe, but you can still be fabulous while feeling sorry for yourself.
So put on your favorite PJs and get ready to put a little glam in your gloom.
1. Make a sappy, yet eclectic playlist you can ugly-cry to.
Ryan Adams, Adele and Amy Winehouse are staples when it comes to the soundtrack of anybody's emotional breakdown.
But this isn't just anybody's pity party — it's yours! So why not mix it up a bit and explore other tear-inducing genres as well?
Want to listen to someone who really gets your pain? Well, nobody knows your suffering like a lady living in the 1800s who is secretly dying of tuberculosis. With it's heart-wrenching melodies and tragic storylines, opera is a perfect addition to your playlist.
Some other recommendations are Damian Rice, Celine Dion and the second half of the "Hamilton" soundtrack.
2. Fill the void with decadent foods.
Now that you've got the music picked out, it's time to organize your menu.
Most people eat their feelings by way of chocolate, pizza and ice cream. But you're not “most people,” are you?
Ditch the Ben & Jerry's and opt for an artisanal gelato. It'll be like you're in Italy, sobbing into the canals of Venice.
Hershey bar? Yawn. Godiva? Borrrrring. Take chocolate to the next level, and eat an entire chocolate ganache cake all by yourself. You'll be too full to even remember what upset you in the first place.
Other tasty treats include chicken fried steak, chicken fried lobster, and chicken fried burritos. Yum!
3. Stock up on tissue alternatives.
People that use tissues to dry up their tears are so basic. Don't stoop down to their level. It's bad enough that you're in so much anguish.
Replace that box of Kleenex with a tray of luxurious fabrics like silk and satin. They'll keep your face nice and dry without leaving it rough and red like those sandpapery facial tissues.
Feeling extra baller? Make a trip to the bank and dry those tears with hundred-dollar bills.
4. Let's get dark.
Like any good soiree, your pity party needs a charming ambiance.
Cover your windows with some black cloth, and throw some scarves on your lamps so that all your feels can basque in glorious darkness.
If you prefer to brood in a little more light, candles are a must. And don't be afraid to go crazy. Remember the big death scene in "Romeo and Juliet"? That's what you should go for.
The best shindigs stimulate all of the senses, and this celebration of sorrow is no different. Did your relationship come to an end? Spray your ex's signature scent on your linens to help bring back those bittersweet memories and trigger those tear ducts.
5. Let the bummer bash begin.
Perfect melancholy music? Check. Tasty dishes? Check. Stacks of money or velvet to cry into? Check. Mood lighting? Check!
You are now ready to officially start your pity party.
So dress your sad self up in a dramatic kimono, lie back, relax and let those tears flow.
Like all good things, pity parties must come to an end. After a while, your friends get sick of your doom and gloom, and it's time to put your crappy feelings aside to get back in a good mood again.
While it can be fun to cocoon yourself into your bed with snacks and movies, it's even more fun to get out there and enjoy life.
Don't overstay your welcome at your own pity party. Get out of your rut and get happy.