What History Would Have Looked Like If People Always Had Smartphones

You can't rewrite history (you'd need an actual time machine for that, and I'm the only person with one of those), but you can have a fun time thinking about how history would've looked if people had smartphones back in the day.

Smartphones have been popular for less time than "Law & Order: SVU" and yet, they've completely transformed our world. They've become an important public extension of our brains, our voices and, often, our genitalia.

We know that smartphones are an integral part of our present, but how would they have affected the past?

That was a rhetorical question, dummy -- keep reading and find out.

Paul Revere could've just sent out a text.

Emojis >>>>>>>> Lanterns.

The New Testament would've probably just been a Snapchat Story.

No more Bible for you, Mom. You've had quite enough.

 The Dutch would've just used Venmo to buy Manhattan.

"No take backsies, dude."

Christopher Columbus would've filled Twitter with humblebrags.

He probably used Apple Maps.

Winston Churchill would've had a spectacular Tinder profile.

He was just SUCH a great ora(l)tor.

And Alexander the Great would have KILLED it on Grindr.

How can you say "no" to that armor?

 Marie Antoinette might've kept her head.

That was a close one.

Julius Caesar and Cleopatra could've finally been "official."

The Beatles were going to break up no matter what, guys.

You wouldn't have to read endless statuses about people training for marathons because they wouldn't exist.

The only reason to run over 20 miles without stopping is if you left "GTA V" on and your controller is upside down on the ground.

Joan of Arc definitely would've posted these photos on her Tumblr.

It's called Joan Of Arc's Sadness Cave, and yes it exists now.

John Wilkes Booth would've been even worse at Twitter than Columbus.

The Secret Service would have arrested John if he weren't the reason for their creation.

The Salem women would've benefitted greatly from group chat.

Witch, don't kill my vibe.

Odysseus' wife would've had a much better ETA.

"Ugh, baby, there is so much siren traffic."

And, of course, Napoleon would've updated his Facebook status far too often.