Tom Grennell, 20, just got a job at Target as a salesperson.
Anyway, here's Tom.
And here is his uniform.
Today is my first day and I'm working a 7+ hour shift. Like I always say, you can't spell "Target" without "Regret".
As I said, he does not want to keep this job. And me writing about it right now is just making matters worse for him.
Here are some of his musings from his first day:
- Sold a bra to the mom of a 16-year old-girl who was cringing the entire time. - Had a very engaging conversation with a 3-year-old boy about colors. We both like blue. - Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair. - Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.
On his second day, things get even stranger:
- Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions. - A 3-year-old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far. - A man bought 30 light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need 30 light bulbs. He just likes coupons. - A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.
By the way, I'm just going to keep pulling out a selection of his most amusing observations. If you feel like you've had enough, you're wrong. But you may just stop reading and leave the pursuit of joy to the rest of us.
- An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living. - Clearance school supplies have arrived. A man bought 71 spiral notebooks for $6. A woman bought 110 folders for $4. I hope they meet each other. I would like to see the child of two math problem characters. - An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt, he leaned in and whispered, “I'm going to get DRUNK.” He pointed at his carts, smiled at me and scurried away with his definitively alcoholic purchase. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares.
- The store is having a 10 percent off your entire purchase sale. I have a coupon to scan if anyone asks for it. I scan it if people don't ask for it if they're nice to me. I don't scan it if they're rude. Power is a new sensation. Power is a good sensation. - A small girl waits in the cart as her mother pays for her transaction. She decides she had enough. She shouts, “Let me out of here!” She attempts to leave the cart. She realizes the walls are too tall. She sits down and accepts her fate with a shocking level of grace. - I met a man who looked like Harry Potter if, instead of getting out of the cupboard at age 11, he stayed in there for 15 more years with nothing but Red Bull and My Chemical Romance albums. - A woman gets 69 cents back in change. I know that I will likely get reprimanded if I make a 69 joke to a customer. I do not speak to the customer any further. I am trying to decide if it is worth losing my job or not.
And finally, day five:
- A fly flew directly into my nostril before bouncing around and making a swift exit. I was more impressed by its aim than bothered by its decisions. - A woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a Frappuccino. I think her dress was handmade. Her head scarf still had a price tag. - An old couple came through my lane to purchase gardening tools. Anytime one of them turned their back to the other, they would be tickled without warning or mercy. I believe I have just had a glimpse into my future. - A very angry old man pulled two full carts through. He purchased a Twix bar, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, 36 pairs of underwear and 262 adult diapers. I believe I have just had another glimpse into my future.
So far, there are only these five entries.
I assume this is because he has only been there for a week. But probably because he was immediately fired once this story went viral and was picked up by, among others, Elite Daily.
By the way, if you need more Tom content, he has a YouTube page.
Go support internet comedy, dummies. It's the future.