Here's What 'Jumpman' Would Sound Like If Drake Wrote It About Muffins

I love Drake. I mean he is one CATCHY guy. A banger machine, if you will. But, as a Persian-American girl who grew up in a nice California suburb, I can't lie: I don't know WTF he's talking about half the time. Like what even is a "Jumpman"? I have no idea. I even tried to look it up.

According to Urban Dictionary, it can be one of two things:

A Michael Jordan clothing and shoe line.


The 23rd woman a man has sex with, in honor of the great Michael Jordan.

So, OK, definitely something about Michael Jordan? Did Drake just have sex with his 23rd girl and HAVE to hit the studio to make this slap? Was he also dressed head-to-toe in Michael Jordan's clothing line while all of this happened? Is Drake just like Michael Jordan's BIGGEST fan?

So many questions, so little time.

Like can someone get Drake on the line and clear the air for me? PLZ AND THANK YOU.

Anyways, the point is I still don't really see the correlation here. Also, still won't feel like any less of a giant poser rapping along with him at the top of my lungs on any given Friday night.

But what if he was talking about something I actually understood?! Not just me, but EVERYBODY. What if we could get the catchy beat of "Jumpman" with verses we could actually make sense of?

(Let me take a moment here to note that I realize the large majority of the population is far cooler than me and probably totally gets what "Jumpman" means. But don't give up on me quite yet.)

What if Drake was talking about something like...and stay with me here...muffins?

Well, this unauthorized parody of "Jumpman" by Saffron & FishSauce (swag names, I KNOW) does just that.

Check out the video above and listen to Drake (OK, FINE, it's not really Drake, but it sounds JUST like him. I swear!!!) drop some mad real rhymes about some absolutely scrumptious muffins.

Also, try to listen the whole way through without craving a warm fluffy muffin like you've never craved anything else ever in your entire life.

It's weird. It's real weird. But aren't all the best things in life real weird?