Jojo Jovanovic

25 Decisions I Can't Make Without Consulting Every Freaking Person I Know

I've said it once and I'll say it again: I'm cool. But unfortunately, I can't take complete credit for my coolness.

You know how some people are effortlessly cool? Yeah, I'm not. Everything I do takes effort, because my decision making is the product of hours and hours of deliberation with every single member of my inner circle. I surround myself with a very cool inner circle, so I respect their opinions for a reason: They are all ballers. And I MUST have unanimous approval before moving forward with the large majority of my decisions.

I'm serious, you guys. It's a problem. I cannot make a decision for the life of me without consulting everyone I know.

Literally today, just as I was writing this very article, my best friend tagged me in this Instagram:

Story of my life, 100 percent. So, here we go. Read along and see what a pathetic, spineless loser I really am at heart. Here are 25 questions I can't solve on my own.

What I'm going to wear out tonight

“Wait, what are you guys wearing tonight?! I can't decide.”

What I'm going to pack for my trip this weekend

Obviously need both my roommates to sit there and watch me try on every option before I can make a solid decision.

What I'm going to order at the restaurant

Text to Dad: “SOS—I can't remember if I like tortellini or I hate it. Should I order it??”

What I'm going to do with my hair at the salon

How I get my hair cut and colored is a HUGE decision. I am not going to just casually make a choice like that without sending everyone and anyone I know about 47 different celebrity cut/color options for them to choose what would look best on me.

What I'm going to do with my hair

“Half-up/half-down or full down?” “Should I curl it or leave it straight?” “Do I need to blow dry it or can I just air dry?” “Is it too oily right now? Should I use some dry shampoo?”

What I should do about my one friend who's been mad at me

“Ugh, do you think I should apologize? I should honestly just wait for her to apologize, right?! I CAN'T DECIDE. OK, fine, I'll apologize, but help me draft a text.”

What I'm going to drink tonight

“Guys, what are we drinking tonight?”

What to wear on my date this Thursday

“I could go cute-casual or dressed-up sexy … what do you guys think? Like, if you were going to go on a date with me, what would you wanna see me in?”

Whether or not I should buy this top

“Wait, hold on. Let me FaceTime you from the dressing room. I can't decide if I should get this or not.”

What I want for lunch at work

“Should I get sushi or a sandwich today?”

What time to set my alarm for in the morning

“How long do you think it will take me to get ready tomorrow? I have to be there at nine. Help me decide when to set my alarm for.”

What gym I should sign up for

“OK, Pure Barre is like $300 a month, which is ridiculous but you KNOW I love it, but then I could also do Equinox for $170 a month, which is slightly less ridiculous and they also have barre classes there. What do you think?”

What time I should leave the house for our plans

“I know dinner is at seven, but what time do you think I should plan on leaving? Well, what time are you leaving? Maybe I could go to your place and we leave together? But then what time do I leave to go to your place?”

What my plans are for the day

“Should we go to the gym then get ready and then go see a movie? Or do we want to finally go get our nails done?”

How I feel about this guy

“I know I need to tell him how I feel but first can you guys PLZ tell me how I feel?”

What this text means

“WTF is he talking about? Is that a 'Blades of Glory' reference? I feel like people are always quoting that movie and I never know wtf they're talking about.”

What I should text back to that ambiguous text

“Do I send back, like, a gif?”

What color nail polish I should try

“Essie or OPI? I feel like Essie chips more but I like that one pink…”

Which job I should take

“This one pays more, but THIS one is for a more swag company. What should I do, Mom?!”

What draft of this email I should send

“Does this sound OK? Should I really say 'Looking forward to hearing from you' even though she already said 'Looking forward to chatting soon'? I feel like I'm being redundant.”

What to put on my resume

“What do you mean my job as a summer camp counselor isn't relevant anymore?!”

What I should make my Twitter bio

“I know it's funny, but do you think it accurately describes me?”

What profile picture I should go with

“Will you go through my added by others and pick a new prof pic for me please?”

What I should caption this Instagram

“What should I caption this? You're good at those.”

What filter I should use on this Instagram

“OK, do you think Amaro or Valencia?”