If you ask me, technology has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. It's gotten to the point where you can communicate for an entire day without using your voice. That's f*cking insane. Like, are you kidding me?!? I LOVE talking.
Let's just put it this way: In eighth grade, I was voted "Most Talkative," and I think that superlative translates into my 22-year-old texting persona. Because when it comes to texting, I am WORDY.
Like, there are those chill people who leave you wanting more with their casual one-word responses, and then there's me with my 800-word essays. I spare NO details.
But with modern technology, we don't even need words to communicate. No, now all we need are visuals. Namely, we need cool, new, trendy emojis.
I know there are like a trillion of them out there these days but there are three in particular I could not stop hearing about: Kimoji (Kim Kardashian's emojis), Bitmoji (special custom emojis you can make of YOURSELF) and Goth Emoji (creepy, dark, spooky emojis). So I had to try them. I wanted to test my ability to communicate without the words I love so much, so I decided to download each of these emoji sets and compare and contrast how long each could sustain real conversations.
Here are my results. Please read and make an informed decision about which one is best for your individual texting brand.
I gotta say something about Kimoji before I get into screenshots: As much as I wanted to hate them and think they are so lame, they are SO CHIC AND COOL. Why the f*ck would I ever bother with stupid, lame beer mug emojis to symbolize a night on the town when I could use Kim's cute little shot glasses or her chilled champagne bottles?! I was impressed.
But anyway. Back to the point here.
My best friend, Morgan, presented me with the perfect opportunity to bombard her with Kimojis when she confirmed that she had indeed snagged us tickets to the Beyoncé concert this summer. Here's how that convo went down:
So, Morgan was on to me. I did not get any response from Kim cute-covering her mouth.
I guess Kimoji is cool and chic, but not cool and chic enough to actually sustain an entire conversation. MOVIN' ON.
Let me preface: My cousin and I are like sisters. I call her "Nilou," she calls me "Bebe," and we are in constant communication. She knows me better than anyone. She knows me so well that if I really were to ever be feeling excessively sad, she would be the first person I'd turn to.
So, yeah, I felt totally comfortable taking advantage of that fact for this extremely creepy dark conversation.
My only complaint with the goth emojis would be that they didn't give me a whole lot to work with. Like, I was a little out of conversation cards after the tombstone.
But LOL I GOT HER GOOD!
If this was a contest, Bitmoji was the winner by far. THERE ARE JUST SO MANY OPTIONS.
As you can see, I legitimately was able to initiate a conversation with my good friend from high school, Conor, and maintain it for almost an entire day using exclusively Bitmoji!
Conversation went well until he caught me red-handed. Well-played, Conor, well-played.
So here's the way I see it: Even if you are an extremely wordy texter, like me, these apps really have made it so that words are scarcely necessary. Of the three, Bitmoji worked the best for me and the conversations I like to have.
If you lead a swag life full of bottle service, hot, passionate sex and designer everything (first of all, good for you, but also...), give Kimoji a go. If you are more of the dark, edgy, tortured-soul type, try out Goth Emoji.
Sure, you'll annoy the sh*t out of your friends and family, but you'll still manage to get your points across without using any words at all.