7 Things Boyfriends Have To Do In The Fall, Ranked By A Boyfriend


Fall officially began almost a month ago, and while it took a while for the weather to realize it, principled people have already made the switch back to hot coffee and are making sure every outfit somehow incorporates a scarf.

It's impossible to know how long you'll have before the pleasant, crisp air gives way to the bone-chilling blanket of subzero daggers that stab any skin you were foolish enough to leave exposed.

That's why it's important to fit in as many fall activities as you can before it's too late -- especially for people who can appreciate how important the season is when it comes to generating likes on social media.

I'm sure there are guys out there who eagerly await the day they can take a selfie lying in a pile of leaves, but I don't think many people would argue girls don't get a tad more excited about autumn's arrival.

Over the past few years, I've been lucky enough to experience a wide variety of fall activities thanks to my girlfriend, who uses the unspoken threat of me no longer having a girlfriend to convince me to tag along.

It's worked fairly well, and there are even a few things I might admit to enjoying if it didn't undermine the emotional wall of indifference I've spent so much time constructing.

This isn't a definitive list, but by trying to rank these activities from least to most excruciating, I hope to at least shed some light on a problem that doesn't get nearly as much attention as it should.

7. Baking

What's the best part of the start of fall? The Pinterest board filled with seasonal recipes (accompanied by pictures you'll never come close to replicating) you'll have the opportunity to try over the coming months.

I can personally get by just fine without having the chance to sample Super Convenient Butternut Squash Cups, but the same can't be said for literally any fall-themed dessert.

It doesn't really matter if you screwed up the face on your Jack-o-Lantern cupcakes because they're still 85 percent sugar. The only real downside is the empty calories, but you can just tell yourself you're fortifying yourself for the colder months ahead.

6. Corn Mazes

Here's a list of some of the many things you can do in a corn maze:

1. Pretend you're being chased by a Minotaur.

2. Try to rescue your baby brother from David Bowie and his army of Muppets.

3. Avenge Cedric Diggory by completing the Triwizard Maze.

4. Introduce an unhealthy sense of competition and leave your partner behind.

It's also a maze. Made of corn. The only downside is it might attract aliens, but that's a risk I'm more than willing to take.

5. Carving Pumpkins

Pumpkin carving is easily one of the most perpetually disappointing autumn activities.

It usually goes something like this: After getting my annual reminder of how disgusting the inside of a pumpkin is, I take the time to meticulously trace a cool pattern I found before realizing I'm still bad at carving pumpkins and settling for a stupid smiley face.

However, the inclusion of sharp objects and (if you're lucky/lazy) power tools, gives pumpkin carving a bit of a boost.

4. Couples Halloween Costumes

It's hard to objectively rank the idea of couples Halloween costumes because of how much they can vary in quality, originality and conceitedness. I have no problem with coordinating my costume, but I can't say the same for other couples.

It's certainly possible to do this the right way; I suggest going as a team from "Legends of the Hidden Temple" or dressing up as a classic pop culture duo like Stabler and Benson or those people from "Castle."

It's also possible (and far too common) to do them wrong, like the couple I once saw dressed as Barbie and Ken who did not resemble Barbie and Ken for a number of reasons.

A couples costume is what you make it. Don't make it terrible.

3. Apple Picking

It seems a lot of people view apple picking as the most dreaded event of the season, but I can't say I agree.

There are some downsides: By agreeing to go, you automatically consent to posing for a cheesy picture in the middle of an orchard (bonus points if you're biting into the same apple when you take the photo).

You're also paying a farm to pick their fruit for them. I can only imagine how the people who get paid next to nothing to do the same thing feel about this.

However, there's nothing quite like the adrenaline rush that comes with picking an apple and eating it without paying (I don't do a lot of exciting things).

Another added bonus is the average Pinterest board contains around of 7,228,987 recipes involving apples between the months of September and October.

2. Hayrides

I'm not sure who decided hayrides were supposed to be an intimate and romantic activity, but I can only assume they had a thing for getting scratched and the smell of poop or diesel fuel.

1. Anything involving leaves

To use an analogy that doesn't really work: Leaves are to fall as shrimp are to Bubba in "Forrest Gump."

You can rake them, kick them, take a walk and look at them, press them, burn them, use them to decorate your apartment, jump in them or, if you're really lucky, drive around in the car for two hours looking at them.

Of the activities listed above, there's only a couple I personally enjoy and they either involve some sort of physical labor or the risk that you'll end up in court facing arson charges.

There's only so much you can do to make dead leaves exciting, and it's not enough to boost them above the bottom spot.