8 Fake Tinder Accounts That Probably Had More Success Than You (Photos)

If we devoted the amount of time and energy people put into optimizing their Tinder profiles to a nobler cause, we probably could have discovered the cure to at least one major disease by now.

I'm not saying cancer would be eliminated once and for all, but I bet we could have finally gotten rid of Restless Leg Syndrome.

The truth is, it's hard to figure out exactly what hobbies you should list in your bio to make yourself seem more fun than you actually are, just like it's almost impossible to decide how much chest hair is too much chest hair.

You might like to think an attractive profile picture or a few intriguing lines about your life are the keys to maximizing your number of matches, but it turns out those might not matter as much as you'd think.

If you really want to boost your ego, the only thing you have to do is create a fake profile like one of the ones below (having a sense of humor and a propensity for terrible pun-making also helps).

It might not get you laid, but at least you'll finally be able to tell your parents you use Tinder "just to meet people" and sort of mean it.

Carpet, 25

Flirtation Rating: 7/10

I really like Carpet's approach here.

Everyone knows "I'd love to have a roll around with you" implies, at the very least, some heavy petting. There are all sorts of "shag carpet" puns I could insert here, but I'm not lowering myself to that level.

Salad

Flirtation Level: 1/10

If you're on Tinder looking for an easy hookup, you're not going to do much better for an opening message than something containing the words "I really want to eat you" (unless the person looks like they might be a cannibal).

I guess liking pizza might have been a deal-breaker, but this just feel like a lost opportunity to me.

Benjamin, 19

Flirtation Rating: 9/10

Great work, everyone. I bet Nicolas Cage would have really enjoyed this (just like every single script he's ever read).

Cupcake, 24

Flirtation Rating: 8/10

The "frosting" in this example is definitely a euphemism for something. I'm not going to specify what that "something" is because you're not mature enough to know if you can't figure it out on your own.

Toilet, 25

Flirtation Rating: 10/10

This, on the other hand, is not a euphemism. Toilet knows how to Tinder. Well done.

Spooky Ghost, 22

Flirtation Level: 5/10

One of my favorite aspects of Tinder is the excuses people will use to somehow bring up sex in an otherwise innocuous conversation -- even when that conversation is with a ghost.

If I had to answer his question, I'd probably go with, "A lot like humping the air." And speaking of humping the air...

Dog, 26

Flirtation Rating: N/A

I can't rate this one because I don't speak dog.

Hitler, 22

Flirtation Rating: No comment.

I can't say I endorse this, but I will say Adolf has a better Tinder game than most of the fake people on this list. Hopefully, yours is just as good.