Despite all my best efforts, I can't cook if my life depended on it.
Maybe it's because I was always bad at science experiments while I was in school. Maybe it's because I'm insanely afraid of fire.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm just really lazy.
I guess we'll never know.
This wouldn't be a problem, however, if I didn't love food.
You know how they say there are two types of people in this world? The ones who live to eat, and the ones who eat to live?
Well, I'm definitely of the former kind. I'm planning my dinner as I'm having breakfast, and my friends and I are always talking about our favorite restaurants while we're in the middle of a meal.
So, where does this leave me? Hopelessly and utterly addicted to Seamless (and all other kinds of food delivery).
What can I say? A girl has to eat, right?
This one is for everyone who has also set off fire alarms while trying to make chicken sausage.
Here are 13 signs you're hopelessly addicted to ordering food:
1. Your credit card summary is essentially a food diary of every place you've ordered food from this month.
Well, that, and alcohol. And clothes.
2. You know you should be budgeting your money by cooking your meals, but just can't get yourself to start.
The same way some people say, "Diet starts tomorrow," you're like, "Yep, going to cook tomorrow." And then 7 pm rolls around, and that three-roll sushi combo is calling your name.
3. When you do go grocery shopping, your cart looks like a mishmosh of snacks, granola bars and frozen meals from Trader Joe's.
But hey, you can heat up a frozen pizza. Someone should wife you up.
4. You justify your delivery based on what day of the week it is.
It defies all logic, but you think you deserve to order something based on what day of the week it is.
You can justify and rationalize anything if French fries are involved. And after all, Tuesdays are rough.
5. You are paranoid that your doormen are secretly judging you.
Let's be real, though: They've seen weirder things than the girl upstairs who has a penchant for pasta.
6. You are paranoid that your delivery man is also secretly judging you.
Yes, I only need one set of utensils with my order, and yes, I did just order this meal four days ago, thank you very much.
Can I live?
7. Getting emails from Seamless with a promo code is like Christmas morning.
Nothing brightens up your day like a 15 percent discount (other than, you know, the actual food itself).
8. You fully understand the internal struggle that happens every time you go to order something.
On one hand, you want your go-to because if you love something, why question it? But on the other hand, what if you could be missing out on something potentially amazing?
Such is life.
9. You always feel a twinge of guilt every time someone asks you if you cook.
Look, I really know I should be able to cook at this point in my life. I do. But, we can't all be domestic goddesses like Chrissy Teigen.
I make reservations, and I'm really good at ordering food. That has to count for something.
10. Your idea of heaven is ordering food, some wine and binge-watching a true crime documentary on Netflix.
If it's not, we can't be friends.
11. You get really angry when your food is running late and you have to call the restaurant to see what's going on.
I want my food, and I want it now. If you're one minute late, you're getting a phone call, and I don't think either of us is going to be happy about it.
Do me a solid and just be on time, OK? I'm trying to avoid human contact at all costs here.
12. You find yourself itching to leave work so you can go home and order food.
This meeting has been great and all, but there's some lo mein with my name on it.
13. You're reading this and thinking about what you're going to order tonight.
And on that note, I'll have an order of pad Thai.