For All My Basic Witches: 26 Signs You're A Fall-Obsessed Warlock


As Halloween draws closer and you get ready to don your packaged, basic b*tch costume, you're probably wondering:

Along with being a basic bitch, are you also a basic witch?

Basic bitches aren't the only ones who are basic — especially during Halloween season.

Do you see yourself in this witch list's black mirror?

Here are the spell-tale signs.

Let the basic witch hunt begin!

1. You put pumpkin spice into every potion. Other essential ingredients? Eye of newt, toe of frog, kale and Diet Coke.

2. No outfit is complete without a black pointy hat. (Ugg boots optional.)

3. You're always chanting Taylor Swift lyrics when putting hexes on your exes, singing "Bad Blood," while stirring a brew of bad blood.

(Bonus: Both you and Tay have the same lucky number: 13!)

4. Every Instagram pic of your squad is hashtagged #covengoals.

5. Your go-to karaoke song? "Defying Gravity" from "Wicked."

6. Your essential slumber party movies: "The Craft" and "Hocus Pocus."

7. You buy your brooms from Target and your capes from Hot Topic.

8. Even though it's culturally insensitive considering the historical context, you couldn't resist taking a selfie at the Salem Witch Museum.

9. Bellatrix Lestrange from the Harry Potter saga is forever your WCW (Witch Crush Wednesday).

10. You're constantly pinning spells on Pinterest that you know you'll never bother to cast IRL.

11. Your idea of "animal sacrifice" involves Chipolte. Nom-nom!

12. You divide your friend group by which "Charmed" character each girl most resembles. You're the Phoebe, she's the Piper, she's such a Prue, she's so Paige.

13. You stubbornly float on the surface of a body of water instead of innocently sinking like a stone and drowning — unless the lifeguard is bae!

14. You regard "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" as the Willow show.

15. You've actually gone on a date with someone you met on Tinder who used "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" as their opening line.

16. You were disappointed that there wasn’t enough actual magic in Magic Mike XXL. (Or full frontal.)

17. You're constantly texting your coven on your Poisoned Apple iPhone 666. (Jack-o-Lantern emojis, 12 months a year!)

18. You’re always complaining that you need a nose job — to make the wart bigger.

19. You have a Tumblr filled with black cat photos and memes. Bad luck? Maybe! Cute AF? Definitely!

20. You think "sexy witch" Halloween costumes aren’t offensive; they’re redundant. Sexy witches? Are there any other kind?

21. You and all of your sorority sisters can still recite — word for word — the demonic incantations you learned as pledges, years later.

22. Your “Throwback Thursday” pics are often wooden engravings from the late 19th century.

23. You're addicted to dating reality shows like "The Witchelorette," in which 20 single warlocks live in a haunted house together as they compete to win the final wand from a relatable witch.

24. While basic bitches are team Aniston, basic witches are team Jolie — more specifically, team Maleficent.

25. Your hangover cure is “hair of the dog.” You literally ingest dog’s hair.

26. Your favorite holiday isn't the Feast of Mabon or Samhain, it's Halloween.