10 Reasons Why I Think Music Festivals Actually Suck

by Joe Welkie

Summertime is just around the corner and you know what that means? Music Festivals! I can't talk to any of my friends without them mentioning which music festival is coming up and how excited they are. Perhaps they should curb their enthusiasm a bit, because music festivals offer some serious shortcomings...

1. Disappointing Live Bands

Ever go to a concert and find out that your favorite band is absolutely dreadful live? I know I have and, boy, what a humongous disappointment. Something just doesn't click and it doesn’t make any sense. How can a band sound so good on an album but like complete dog sh*t live? Oh... there are dozens of sound engineers working on the album and they are allowed multiple takes? Touché. They didn't even play your favorite song? Bummer.

2. Volume

Even if the band plays its songs perfectly, it doesn't matter because the volume at music festivals is almost never correct. If you are near the stage, guess what? You'll be deaf for the next three-to-six days. If you're far from the stage, you will notice that the guys running the booths at music festivals have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING! WHY CAN'T I HEAR THE SINGER?! WHY DO I ONLY HEAR THE BASS DRUM?!

3. Mosh Pits

This makes sense. We all love the band and I think the perfect reflection of this love is to beat the sh*t out of each other, right? I love nothing more than hearing my favorite band and getting punched and/or kicked in the face! I hope that you appreciate my wounds, band that doesn't care about me and will leave the next day! I did it for you!!!

4. Sunburn

Oh boy, this one is a doozy. Standing in the sun, waiting for your favorite band to begin playing, getting mercilessly pounded upon by sweaty dudes in mosh pits, and all the while, the sun is relentlessly beating down on your pale flesh. Well, take solace in the fact that your flesh won't be pale for long. Hope you enjoy your new shade of skin — painful rouge!

5. The Waiting

Having to stand and endure the multitude of lesser bands as you wait for your favorite to take the stage is one of the many downfalls of music festivals. You mean, in order for me to hear the headliner, I have to stand here for six hours and listen to a bunch of nobodies? Sign me up! Maybe there will be a new band that I like that I've never heard before... oh wait no, they're all crappy.

6. Porta Potties


7. Realizing That You Hate The Other People Who Enjoy Your Favorite Band

No one could ever love your favorite band as much as you — who are all these posers? So what if they have every album, every t-shirt and have followed them on tour around the country? They don't love them like you love do. These people are just part timers — they're not in it for the long haul.

8. Overpriced Merchandise

That's $35 for a t-shirt? You betcha! …Except you remember that you spent all of your money on the $300 tickets for this music festival. Also, you spent $150 to rent a parking spot… also, $42 on three bottles of water… also, no food four days. But you NEED that t-shirt!

9. Porta Potties


10. Leaving

You don't want to go. You wish this weekend would never end because you have created and shared great new memories with old friends and new friends alike. Even though there are tons of drawbacks to summer music festivals, you'll be back next year. Once you take a shower, eat and go to the bathroom in a real life bathroom, you’ll have nothing bad to say about the experience.

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