We Tried The Hottest Hot Sauce In The World And It Was Not Pleasant

When I heard GE was making a super spicy hot sauce, two questions immediately came to mind: 1) How can I try it, and 2) doesn't GE make dishwashers or something?

Apparently, GE (a company that does a lot of random sh*t in addition to making dishwashers) decided to make a hot sauce with the hottest peppers known to man for a bottle they're calling 10^32 Kelvin.

Bottled in actual jet engine parts that can withstand 3000° Fahrenheit, the sauce's name references “Absolute Hot," the temperature at which physicists say all matter starts to break down.

The press release states 10^32 Kelvin was formulated to honor thousands of GE scientists and researchers who constantly come up with new heating and cooling technologies.

Granted, it's also a fairly elaborate gimmick.

Pessimism aside, I had to try it. Why, I'm not sure, considering I don't tend to like spicy foods and can barely handle Taco Bell mild sauce.

But for the sake of experiential journalism, I popped a bag of popcorn, cracked open the bottle and got to work.

Sampling the sauce, I have to say, was not a pleasant experience. After dipping the tiniest piece of popcorn in the tiniest bit of sauce, my entire mouth was on fire. The sensation started out small, like a match lit in a dark hallway, before erupting into a full-blown forrest fire.

Truth be told, I'm not really into forrest fires happening in my mouth.

My co-worker, Julian, tried the sauce and had this to say,

It's a great torture device. Consult your momma before consuming.

Seriously, though, I can't imagine anyone besides masochists actually seeking out this hot sauce. It'll clear out your sinuses for sure, but when you have Neti Pots and Vick's vapor rubs for that sh*t, why harm yourself with mouth arson?

I set the bottle of 10^32 Kelvin on a central table at our office so it'll fulfill its destiny as a highly potent paperweight.

Julian twisted off the cap to get another whiff, and as I turned back to return to my laptop, I heard behind me, "Oh my god, that is spice for real."

That really says it all. Be careful y'all.