The 5 Stages Of Becoming Addicted To 'American Horror Story'
(Warning: There are spoilers throughout article.)
"American Horror Story" is one of those TV shows that lures you in with intrigue and seduction.
You'll see the commercials in-between channel surfing, or someone on your friends list will post the current season's creepy opening credits.
You'll be curious, or maybe you'll just be in it for Lady Gaga, but somehow, "AHS" will catch your attention.
Soon enough, you'll find yourself combing Tumblr for theories, picking apart past episodes to find clues that all the seasons are somehow connected.
Wednesday nights will be off-limits for any plans.
Basically, Ryan Murphy will eventually have your soul.
However, you won't find yourself checking into the Hotel Cortez overnight; the "AHS" addiction happens slowly over time.
Here are the five inevitable stages of becoming a true "AHS" addict:
Stage One: Netflix (And No Chill)
You'll be tempted to jump right into season five (because of Lady Gaga), but your already-addicted friends will warn you against it.
You'll be instructed to start from the beginning.
Foolishly, you'll probably think, "How scary can a TV show actually be?"
You'll dive right into the Murder House of season one, unsure of what to expect.
Before long, you'll be going to sleep with the lights on, fearing that a man dressed in rubber will jump out of your closet at any point.
As scared as you may be, you won't be able to take your eyes away. You'll plow right through season one and onto season two, "Asylum."
Stage Two: Can't Help Falling In Love With Evan Peters
Season one might have you reluctantly crushing on Evan Peters (Let's face it: Tate wouldn't exactly make the best BF), but season two will definitely seal the deal.
It's not just that Peters is attractive, but his acting is out of this world (quite literally).
Anyone who has been with "AHS" through the full ride knows Peters takes on a variety of characters throughout the seasons, all of which couldn't be more different from one another.
By the end of the second season, you'll be so enamored with Evan Peters that you won't even care he's essentially mute for the entirety of season three.
Stage Three: Wanting To Become Lily Rabe
Many would argue that Lily Rabe is one of the best parts of the "AHS" series.
Her season two possession was pretty fascinating to watch, but season three is where she absolutely slayed.
It's hard not to watch "AHS: Coven" without taking mental fashion notes from Rabe's character, Misty Day.
With just one episode, you might run out to your closest Forever 21 and buy all the shawls and fringe-adorned cardigans in sight.
In the most recent season, Rabe took on the role of real-life serial killer, Aileen Wuornos, the same woman who was portrayed by Charlize Theron in the film, "Monster."
If anything, Rabe's portrayal of Wuornos confirmed what we already knew: She is a kickass actress with an unlimited amount of talent.
It's hard to deny "AHS" needs more Lily Rabe.
Stage Four: Contemplating Making A Conspiracy Board For Your Theories
Once you catch wind of the fact all of the "AHS" seasons are possibly somehow connected, you will never be able to stop looking for hints as to how.
You'll find yourself rewatching old episodes, pouring over message boards and finding clips online.
You'll cheer out loud when you predicted something ahead of time, like the Murder House from season one showing up again in season five (because both seasons take place in LA, duh).
Even if the show makes mistakes, you'll be forced to stick with it because you have to see how it ends.
Stage Five: Beginning To Wonder If You're A Witch Or A Vampire
Every person who has watched "AHS: Coven" has, at least once, contemplated starting a coven.
If you say you haven't, you're lying.
Similarly, it's hard to watch the current season without wistfully imagining what it would be like to be a vampire like Lady Gaga (0r, sorry, Ryan Murphy, a person with an "ancient blood virus").
When you find yourself imagining what life would be like if you could cast spells, live forever or drink blood, you know you've truly made it.
You're officially an "AHS" addict, and you're ready to check into the Hotel Cortez.
Enjoy your stay.