Meryl Streep just treated the Golden Globes like her best friend's wedding and gave the most moving, powerful and, frankly, well-researched speech.
The veteran actress, who has won eight Golden Globes herself leading up to tonight's ceremony, took the stage to accept the Cecil B. DeMille Award for her "outstanding contributions to the world of entertainment" and used her platform to do what she does best: bring the damn house down.
Meryl began by commenting on how the event, hosted by the Hollywood Foreign Press, was a meeting of "the most vilified segments in American society right now."
Mer didn't linger long in the success of her joke, which you bet your sweet ass landed expertly, before listing the origins of the esteemed actors and nominees sharing the room with her.
She scanned the audience, telling viewers,
DANG, MER. SWEET, FILTHY DANG. YOU ARE A GOOGLIN' FIEND, YOU SLY ENCHANTRESS.
The silver screen legend revealed her intention behind the very personal and touching mention of these stars' beginnings was to prove "Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners and if we kick 'em all out, you'll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts."
MER, MY GODDESS. THE ONLY THING SHINING BRIGHTER THAN YOUR WORDS TONIGHT ARE THE MASSIVE ARTS N' CRAFTS JEWELS YOU LET JACOB TREMBLAY'S TINY HANDS SEW TO YOUR PERFECTLY GOOD DRESS.
Not one to stop at merely dragging sports, Meryl went for the blue, ice-cold, blood-like vein sludge of one Donald J. Trump.
Meryl began to get choked up, explaining how Trump's imitation of disabled New York Times reporter Serge Kovaleski during a South Carolina campaign stop last year "broke [her] heart."
The 67-year-old mother of us all reminded those listening how normalizing hate and intolerance, especially when it's done by the president-elect, makes such behavior seem acceptable to the masses.
JAYSUS, MER. YOU'RE GETTING VERY LIN-MANUEL INSPIRANDA ON US TONIGHT. BRING IT HOME, YOU HEAVEN-SENT ESSENCE OF GOOD WILL AND RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Meryl invited everyone to "protect journalists" and "safeguard the truth."
For an outrageously emotional finish, Meryl said,
GOOD. NIGHT. SISTER.