Unfortunately, this next story is not an April Fools' Day joke.
It's just another cruel reminder life is a series of absurd cosmic pranks in which terrible people continue to be rewarded for their terribleness while we decent humans suffer in obscurity.
The Kardashians are getting another reality show. That's right: The worst American family since the Mansons is adding another source of income to its coffers.
The new show will be called "Dash Dolls," and it will follow the employees of the Kardashians' DASH Boutiques.
The show will feature Khloe Kardashian's bestie, Malika Haqq, and her twin sister, Khadijah Haqq.
According to the network's official announcement, the show will chronicle the adventures of the store's "young, fun and hot employees, as they navigate the hectic life of a 20-something in Hollywood, while representing the Kardashian brand.”
Here's the thing, though: The Haqq sisters aren't hot, fun, young 20-somethings. They're both 32. They're 30-somethings. And who wants to watch a show about 30-somethings? Gross.
Anyway, this program looks horrendous. Everyone involved in it is horrendous. And life is utterly devoid of meaning. I give up. I'm done. F*ck everything. Thanks for tuning in, folks.