Happy International Exchange of Saliva Day, everyone: aka, International Kissing Day.
Yep, the latest in gratuitous made-up holidays is "International Kissing Day." It's on July 6 (or today).
But before all you single folk start to feel sorry for yourselves for not having anyone to smooch, I have good news: Kissing is really gross and awkward.
Sorry. I hate to be that guy. But these are the facts, people!
Kissing is nothing more than smashing your lips against someone else's lips and then trying to pretend it's not this person's spit in your mouth. It's uncomfortable and gross.
I firmly believe all kissing is like this for everyone. But no one demonstrates the awkwardness of kissing better than John Travolta.
It's not John Travolta's fault. It's just that his lip shape and tendency to kiss people on camera perfectly demonstrate how silly kissing really is.
John Travolta: If you're reading this, I swear I am merely trying to illustrate the ridiculousness of kissing through you. I'm not judging your personal kissing technique in any way.
Well, maybe I'm judging it a tiny bit. Let's take a look!
1. First off, the classic: the meme. John Travolta tries to kiss Scarlett Johansson, but Scarlett Johansson does not look at all amused. Beautiful.
2. Next up, John Travolta kissing Kirk Douglas. Note the look of fear in Kirk Douglas' eyes. Kirk Douglas does not want to be there at all.
3. Now, let's look at John Travolta kissing Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga is smiling, but it's still very awkward. Something about the lips?
John Travolta giving @LadyGaga a good morning kiss on Instagram! pic.twitter.com/2yIsQ7LNFA — Sam❤️ (@_rocket_9) October 1, 2015
4. Yes, definitely the lips. See John Travolta kissing Queen Latifah:
5. He had the duck face kiss down, even way back in the day.
John Travolta giving Olivia Newton-John a cheek kiss behind the scenes of filming 'Grease', 1978. pic.twitter.com/lKqOw2mpes — KIKUNO.M (@samsara_nrvn) May 8, 2015
6. He didn't quite kiss Idina Menzel, but you can tell he was definitely thinking about it.
7. He switched up his technique a little when he kissed Danny DeVito.
8. But for his wife Kelly Preston, he sticks with what he knows.
9. This is my personal favorite of them. John's just going straight for the teeth.
10. And finally, we have the coveted double awkward kiss. This wins for the most awkward kiss of all time. He did it, everybody.
Happy International Kissing Day, everyone!