Ever since Marvel and DC took complete control of the box office, I've become superhero obsessed.
Consider me a nerd if you'd like, but my knowledge on this topic is as vast as the Sahara.
Curious when "X-Men" came out? 2000, baby. How fast can The Flash run? Faster than the speed of light, duh, so that equals about 670,616,629 miles per hour.
And if you're wondering when Chris Evans' contract expires, that'd be post-"Infinity War" and its successor. But fingers crossed that handsome mug stays around for more action.
There's just something about these fantastical films that draws me in.
I think it's the idea of escaping reality, placing yourself within a world where these powers exist and are so prevalent. It's refreshing and feels completely separate from the repetitive features we see hitting theaters over and over again.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt that the actors cast in these movies are absolute smoke shows.
I'm talking perfect specimens who deserve to be frozen and kept for preservation just to analyze how we can multiply their genes for a lifetime.
And in honor of National Superhero Day today, I've rounded up the seven hottest superheroes whom I'd want to rescue me (from a tree, a burning building or a bad date).
You know, whatever works.
1. Superman, played by Henry Cavill
Superman's proven his knack for versatility time and time again, swapping his Clark Kent reporter persona for the Man of Steel in mere seconds.
Not only do his actions seem effortless, as he repeatedly saves the day time and time again, but he does it in a skintight suit that bulges in all the right places.
I wouldn't usually say "alien" is my type, but for Superman, I'll make an exception.
2. Daredevil, played by Charlie Cox
I like a good brains-and-brain combination, and that's exactly what you get in Matt Murdock.
The lawyer-by-day, superhero-by-night patrols the streets of New York City as crimson vigilante, Daredevil.
Though blinded at a young age, Murdock's natural human abilities were amplified and, when combined with his martial arts training, shift him from average to downright awesome.
I bet he's good with his hands.
3. The Flash, played by Grant Gustin
The Flash's strength is not only his speed, but also that damn jawline.
When he's not being the fastest man alive, he's busy playing the role of babyfaced forensic scientist Barry Allen, who would be perfect to take home to mom (which is a sore subject since, in the comic, he loses his mom... but that's for another conversation).
Don't you just want him to slow down, so you can pinch those cheeks?
The Flash is certainly quick on his feet, but I'm sure I could keep up.
4. Thor, played by Chris Hemsworth
Probably big penis.
5. Wolverine, played by Hugh Jackman
Wolverine is the bad boy in high school you were told to stay away from.
For that reason, he's downright irresistible. He'd be the one to call when you're cornered by a gang of unruly, feeble-minded men (or, you know, just an ex-boyfriend) who are overdue for an ass-kicking.
If you're already an avid "X-Men" watcher, you should know his version of saving the day typically involves a fair amount of bloodshed.
Whatever gets those veins throbbing, I guess.
6. Arrow, played by Stephen Amell
Stephen Amell is the perfect counterbalance to his fellow CW superhero actor, Grant Gustin.
He has a much more rugged look, equipped with a raspy voice and heaping amount of aggression. What do you expect from a man who was shipwrecked on an island for five long, arduous years of his life?
That's right: plenty of sexual frustration.
Put that quiver of arrows down and come. To. Papa.
7. Captain America, played by Chris Evans
Captain America is the epitome of perfection.
He's a true patriot, here to represent his country. He believes in right and wrong, he's respectable and he's a trustworthy comrade. He's also the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on.
Just look at him. LOOK AT HIM. His arms are the size of at least three of my heads. (And my dome is huuuuge.)
Steve Rogers has come quite the long way, transitioning from a scrawny teen into a strong, super warrior, and boy, am I grateful. So grateful, in fact, that I may go play with some explosives just to get good ol' Cap on the scene.
That's not too extreme, right? I'm dedicated to the cause.