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Amy Schumer Is Sprayed With Whale Semen In 'Snatched'

If I had a penny for every time I got blasted in the face with whale semen, I'd have $0.03.

Wait, no. That's not true at all. Uh, where was I?

Amy Schumer stars in the newest trailer for "Snatched," and the red band preview begins with a breakup with her musician boyfriend.

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But wait a second. They had plans to go to South America (not a specific country, just the entire continent)!

Enter Amy Schumer's mom Goldie Hawn, who hasn't done anything fun in decades. Her character, not Goldie. I'd never go after Goldie like that.

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As soon as they get to their resort, Goldie takes a big gulp of whale semen at the concierge's desk and spits it all over Amy's face.

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Just kidding! In fact, Goldie mishears the concierge, who says, "Welcome." She mistakenly thinks he's said "whale cum."

But nope! It's just milk... grade A, 2-percent, non-whale-ejaculated milk. Wait, have my friends been saying "you're whale cum" after I do them favors?

Eventually, Amy starts talking with a local guy and sparks fly, but -- uh oh -- he catches her in the mirror wiping her vagina. Hey, at least she's not covered in the sperm of a whale, right?

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Then, Amy and Goldie get kidnapped by some local criminals.

They're like, "Why did you come to South America?" And Amy's like, "For the cultural experience." One thing's for sure: It's not for the whale semen.

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Pretty soon, someone's punching through their window! Like, could he not find a rock? What kind of health care does he have that he can afford to slam his arm through glass like the goddamn Terminator?

I know South America is BOOMING from the whale semen industry, but still!

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All in all, it's a pretty hilarious trailer for what seems will be a funny movie.

You can see "Snatched," which is not the sequel to "Snatch," in theaters on May 12, 2017.

Citations: Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer Go on a Dangerous Adventure in Snatched Trailer (E! News)