Don’t Hold Cil Accountable — That Was The Old Her

In Elite Daily’s series Early Influences, musicians reflect on the songs and albums that left a lasting impression on them in their formative years. Here, Cil dishes on embracing her Gemini sign, dabbling in love songs, and releasing her past self.

Cil is a Gemini through and through, so she knows a thing or two about exploring different facets of her identity. “I battle with these two sides, and I’m constantly at odds with my own brain,” the 23-year-old singer originally from Colorado tells Elite Daily. “People think Geminis are fake, but I believe they’re the realest people.”

Her second EP, Don’t Hold Me Accountable, which released on May 29, is the perfect representation of this thesis. Cil wrote the seven-song collection as an “old version” of herself last summer, which she is finally able to release now that she’s evolved. “I really was excited to let that version of myself go,” Cil says. “Now I’m a new version of myself. Everybody else will see that in the future, but I’m that version now.”

The pop/R&B record clearly paints the picture of a young woman stuck in toxic cycles. On songs like “You’re a Liar (You Love Me)” and “Loser,” Cil recognizes she’s hung up on a relationship that’s only hurting her. The tracks were inspired by an actual romance that went sour.

“In 2024, I got into a relationship and I was very much in love,” Cil says. “I was struggling really heavily with an eating disorder all through 2022 and 2023, and I started to heal that through this relationship. I felt like this person saved me somehow. Then, people fight, things happen, and I got into a place where I was very angry. I felt like I was losing everything, and I didn’t know who I was.”

Music is the one thing that’s always loved me back.

It was when her world was falling apart during this breakup in 2024 that she created the EP. “Music is the one thing that’s always loved me back,” Cil says. “I realized believing that somebody else saved me was a lie I told myself. All of the sudden, within three months of all this bad sh*t happening, I wrote every single one of these songs.”

Cil decided on the EP’s title as a message to this past version of herself, and to all those around her — a reminder that the only person who can break you out of a bad situation is yourself. “Everybody around me would tell me, ‘Hey, we want to hold you accountable. We want to make sure that you’re OK.’ I was like, ‘Really? The only person that can do that is me,’” she says. “I was so self-aware of the issues I was having, but I wasn’t ready to leave those cycles. I hadn’t learned my lessons yet.”

Thank you for making sure that I’m staying on track, but don’t hold me accountable, because I am going to go back to him.

“So the name Don’t Hold Me Accountable came from everybody who loves me in my life. I love you so much, and thank you for making sure that I’m staying on track, but don’t hold me accountable, because I am going to go back to him.”

Now that she’s healed, Cil thinks she’s finally ready to release something she’s never put out before: a love song. “The lover girl version of me has never been able to come out and play. I’ve written so many love songs, but my decision has always been about letting go of phases of my life,” Cil says. “I never gave myself the permission to be the soft and sweet version of myself. Going forward with new music, it’s going to be important for me to come at life from a more gentle place.”

As Cil continues to reinvent herself, she teases that she’s preparing to tour her new EP with a couple dates already announced. Before she hits the stage, Cil shares the soulful powerhouses who first inspired her musical journey.

Mary J. Blige

When listening to Cil’s confessional, R&B-infused music, it becomes very apparent how much she looks up to Mary J. Blige. “I didn’t really discover Mary J. Blige until I had heard My Life,” Cil says, referring to the singer’s emotive 1994 album. “I think the most incredible thing about her was that she was the rap chorus woman. That’s her. ‘My Life’ was the song that gave me a lot of perspective on what I wanted to do and how I wanted to approach art.”

Lyrically, her favorite Blige song is a more recent hit. “‘Mr. Wrong’ is just so funny and clever,” Cil says of Blige’s 2011 collaboration with Drake. “That song was such a big influence on my song ‘Don’t Pick Up.’”

Blige frequently brings out her alter-ego Brook Lynn for rap verses, and Cil also believes she takes on another identity when she performs. “We’re trying to name her right now,” Cil says. “There’s this really gritty, aggressive version of me that comes out when I’m onstage. I’d never really experienced it until I played Pride last weekend, and I was like, ‘Dang, who is that?’ I don’t know her name yet, but she’s there.”

Prince

Cil fell in love with Prince in a chance encounter at a record store. “I used to collect vinyls as a kid, and I remember finding the record ‘Call My Name’ by Prince in a 99-cent bin,” Cil says. “I was obsessed with it. It’s still one of my favorite songs ever.”

She continued to be inspired by everything else she learned about him. “Prince, all around, was somebody who really spoke to my soul,” Cil says. “He just was who he was. There was such an authenticity to him that I gravitated towards.”

Cil was only 13 years old when the music legend died in 2016, so the breadth of his loss didn’t fully sink in for her, but she still recalls it being a pivotal moment. “I remember my parents talking about it. I remember just being like, ‘Whoa, that’s crazy,’” Cil says. “It felt like so much changes when an artist like that passes.”

Lauryn Hill

Cil’s true north star in the music world is the legendary Ms. Lauryn Hill. “The Miseducation album is my favorite album of all time,” she says.

She regards Hill’s 1998 record (famously, the singer’s only solo release) as not only “sonically perfect,” but also a masterclass in lyrical expression. “She doesn’t give a f*ck; she just says what she wants to say,” Cil says. “On that album, she’s telling you how she feels, she’s telling you what she believes, and she’s proud of it. She’s saying real sh*t.”

It’s through Hill’s raw artistry that Cil has also found her own confidence. “I get this comment a lot — that my voice is perfectly imperfect,” Cil says. “I always got offended that. But I realized Lauryn Hill is just that. She’s perfectly imperfect. She’s perfectly human, and she explains and represents the human experience in a way that I’ve never seen an artist do in my life. She encapsulates what a true artist is to me, because an artist is meant to be the interpretation of humanity.”

She believes everyone needs to watch Hill’s performance of “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” from her 2001 MTV Unplugged live show. “She starts crying while singing the song, and it’s one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen or heard,” Cil says. “The music almost doesn’t matter at that point. It’s just that pure emotion.”