Patton Oswalt Takes Down Martin Shkreli In A Twitter Battle
Few things have drawn our nation together more than a mutual hatred for pharma bro Martin Shkreli.
Yet, here we are, discussing Shkreli again. Why? He came out from under his bridge to troll beloved comedian Patton Oswalt.
Of course, this was after Stephen Colbert made a joke on the EpiPen price controversy.
The joke included a picture of Shkreli and Colbert stabbing himself with the life-saving epinephrine injection and explaining, "That was a close one. I'm severely allergic to douche."
As a result, Shkreli tweeted this never clever response.
Of course, you don't go toe-to-toe with a person who is wittier than you.
You would think Shkreli learned his lesson, but alas the right-winger approached Oswalt after a Trump joke he tweeted started to go viral.
In response to some conspiracy theories regarding Hillary Clinton's health, Oswalt suggested a theory of his own, as ridiculous as it was.
TRUMP CAN'T SWIM. TRUMP CAN'T SWIM. TRUMP CAN'T SWIM.
How can a man expected to lead this great nation not be able to swim?!
Naturally, #TrumpCantSwim started to trend within the hour.
Also naturally, Shkreli tweeted a burn you would expect from your middle school bully.
(Like, literally, I once witnessed a middle school bully throw this shade at a friend, despite obviously know who she was. My friend wasn't even phased at age 13.)
The thing bullies should learn early on is -- you don't pick on the class clown. They are funnier than you, they are quicker than you, and I guarantee they have more people backing them up than you do.
Get ready for an insane Twitter back-and-forth.
(Record scratch.) Hol' up. It's about to get real.
Oswalt was out here just spouting the truth, not even trying to spin it to be funny. Sometimes that's really what people need to hear.
Uh... a person claiming they're funnier than professional comedians?
I'm just going to give the Wikipedia page about "delusions of grandeur" a quick read.
To my heirs, please write "liberal trash bag limousine liberal" on my tombstone.
And here come the insults.
"Stoopid moron" honestly reminds me of one of the most cringeworthy memes of our generation, "t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!!"
Oswalt continued his full-on Twitter domination.
Oswalt finally put things into perspective when Martin tweeted out this doozy.
Hold up, though. Does Shkreli think Oswalt is Kevin James? He was on that show but... the King of Queens was obviously Kevin James.
Also, why does he think he's the king of Brooklyn? Gentrification, I assume.
"Take a bow, Marty!"
Finally, Oswalt calls it a night...
But, as expected, Shkreli got his last word in.
Ain't no business like show business!
Obviously, when you live in the day and age of the Internet you shouldn't feed the trolls. That being said...
Hi Martin Shkreli,
You are a very confident person. I am not. I am weak willed, riddled with anxiety and afraid of most things, but I am willing to place a bet.
I am challenging you to make me vote for Trump, or make me straight.
Honestly, I will be open to what you have to say, I will nod and laugh at your jokes and, should you sway me in any way, you can have my vote or my dowry of two cows and 12 chickens.
If you cannot, then you give me $1,000.