Nobody freak out, but there is a movie coming out about Madonna's life.
No, I am not joking. Yes, this is real life. I SAID DON'T FREAK OUT.
I know you've been sitting there every day since you've become socially and culturally aware of the phenomenon that is Madonna, thinking, "When are they going to make a movie about this raging rock goddess?"
Well, it's happening, so buckle up your pointy bra and get ready.
Before we go any further, I think it's important that I just tell you guys this: Madonna is 58 years old.
That is NOT to say she is old, but that IS to say I plan to be retired, radically overweight and sipping frozen daiquiris out of a solo cup by 55, and this genius is still rocking the stage harder than I've literally ever rocked anything.
It's about time we're all treated to a cinematic adventure of her life's insane achievements.
I mean, look at those arms. LOOK AT THEM!
Refinery29 reports the current working title is "Blond Ambition," obviously, and will focus predominantly on her early years as an artist, moving from Detroit to New York City in the 1980s.
The movie will also showcase the mega-celeb combating sexism in the music industry as well as feature the romance in her life at this time.
Now, I know what your next question is... "Who duh fuck is gonna play Madonna?"
WHAT A GREAT QUESTION. THE ANSWER IS... NOBODY KNOWS YET.
What we DO know is that the script itself was written by Elyse Hollander, and ranked number one on the 2016 edition of the Black List.
The Black List is designed to identify the most popular screenplays based on the input of multiple industry pros, and in the past has included Oscar-award winning films like "Argo," "Slumdog Millionaire," "Spotlight" and "The Revenant."
Uh, so yeah, it's gonna be good.
Director Brett Ratner of RatPac Entertainment and John Zaozirny of Bellevue Productions are partnering up with "Fifty Shades of Grey" producer Michael De Luca to bring the ambitious project to life, and to them I only have one thing to say...
Guys, don't ruin this for me. Don't ruin this for us. Don't ruin this for Madonna.
No pressure, though.