Kylie Jenner is selling shoes, so naturally we gotta get that 19-year-old ass in the shot!
How am I supposed to look at an ad and know which sneakers to buy without seeing a teenager's butt crack glaring back at me?
How am I supposed to look at an ad and select the proper style of running shoe without the knowledge Kris Jenner is chugging a buttery chard just out of frame as she tells her daughter to arch her back?
How? Really, tell me how.
Enter my personal Jesus, Kylie Jenner. Publicity shots for her seven-figure partnership with Puma hit the web on Monday and, wow, she looks amazing!
She's ABSolutely stunning!
IDFGet this cape, but OK.
Those nurse-in-space shoes are outta this world!
Gosh, when Kylie models so flawlessly like this, it's difficult to remember there was ever a time her family doubted her.
BUT. THERE. WAS.
Long before her Puma days, Kylie languished in the shadow of older sister Kendall Jenner, whose teen dreams of being a model threatened Ky's very existence.
She could not stay silent and, in one fateful episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," she spoke the hell up for herself and, hell, for America.
Kylie warned her parents,
If you want to help her model you can help her model, but it's just gonna get to her head and all of us are gonna be in her little throne path and listening to her. We're gonna be like, 'Oh my God! You're right! You're like the coolest in the family 'cause you model! When you're 14!'
Years later, Kylie turned on the social media superstar charm and ended up with a massive following, but her victory should not inspire an era of complacency on our behalf.
Never stop trying to escape Kendall Jenner's throne path, for once you are on it, the throne path is your home.
I REPEAT: THE THRONE PATH IS YOUR HOME.