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Kim Kardashian Makes Salad In Sexy Video

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TIL Kim Kardashian West has never made a salad.

Kimmy appeared in a video on friend Carine Roitfeld's Instagram, celebrating the former editor-in-chief of Vogue Paris' one millionth follower.

Kim Kardashian told Carine's followers,

So I was looking on Instagram today and I noticed that Carine is almost at a million followers, so I want to celebrate. I wanted to make her a cake, but I don't have any of the ingredients. But I do have the ingredients to make a salad, so I'm gonna make her a celebratory salad.

Kim then went right ahead and followed what she believed were the steps to maybe making a salad.

She snapped a cucumber in half with her hands before tossing both chunks straight into the bowl and, if you don't like it, you can choke on it.

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TBH, you can choke on it either way.

She poured a whole bottle of dressing right on top of that crispy bitch.

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Drown it, KKW.

By the end, she lovingly crafted this abomination.

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OK. That's — it's done, I guess.

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Naturally, there were a few frames that did not make it into Kim Kardashian's final cut:

-Kim shakes a box of croutons on her hair, crushes them under her Louboutins and throws a dry loaf of Italian bread into the salad bowl.

-Kim grabs a handful of hard boiled eggs and strips off the shells into the bowl. She throws the egg whites and yolks in the trash.

-Kim drizzles seven Kylie Lip Kits over the top of the salad. She eats the plastic containers seductively.

-Kim can't find grilled chicken. She drives to the Calabasas city morgue and trades a pair of Yeezys for a cadaver's hand. She heads home, rips off its fingernails and throws them in the bowl. She throws its palm and fingers in the trash.

-Kim puts the salad in the microwave for twelve full minutes.

Classic salad.