Gabrielle Union Says Her 'Penis Situation Is Stellar,' Dwyane Wade Agrees


Don't worry about Gabrielle Union and her penis situation. They're both doing fine.

I'm going to be very honest, I don't think I've ever thought about Dwayne Wade's penis. I'm not a basketball fan, and the rare times I watch the sport I'm not like "OK, Ok, OK, stop dropping dunks and start droppin' those drawers, men!"

I usually just watch the sport for 15 minutes, check my phone for the next two hours and then act like something major just happened to my family but I can't be specific on what that is exactly.

Some dude on Twitter does think about Dwayne Wade's penis a bunch. More specifically, he thinks about D-Wade's peen in relation to Union's happiness (hapenis, if you will.)

So he did what any normal dude would do in that situation: he tweeted at a complete stranger about that stranger's significant other's penis.


The original tweet that K2 2X was responding to was about how much Union likes UCLA's Lonzo Ball.

Sooooo, the moral of the story here is that sometimes you should concentrate on your own penis situation before you cast such an evil shadow onto other penis situations.

Dwayne Wade caught wind of the analysis going on about his peener and decided to throw a little love Gabrielle's way.

I don't care about any other examples. THIS is couple goals.


What I like most about this exchange is the wording used here. I've heard about "good" penises, "great penises" or even a penis -- and not an old barn -- once that was described as "nice, rustic and has an old soul."

Never have I heard a dong called "stellar." That's beautiful.

From now on, I will only refer to genitals with the most regal terms possible. I want my future hookups to feel like they're on "Cosmos" and I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson.