Channing Tatum Is Making Vodka So Now You Can Drunk Cry Over Your Love For Him

Like any 20-something girl trying to not be a hobgoblin in LA, my drink of choice for purely shallow reasons is Vodka.

It's low in calories, it doesn't stain my teeth like wine, and you can always blame the "alcohol scent" your Lyft driver or significant other's parents are smelling on "hand sanitizer."

That said, I totally understand why other people hate it.

I too got so white girl-wasted on the beverage when I was 17 years old I vowed "never again," but if I can't change your tune about the magic elixir, then maybe Channing Tatum can.

YA'LL THIRSTY YET?!

Tatum and Grand Teton Distillery are coming out with a new 80-proof vodka made right here in the U-S-of-A.

It's called Born and Bred, and it contains glacial water, Idaho potatoes and "Tatum's sweat," according to Bon Appétit. 

You had me up to Tatum's sweat -- that's where you lost me. Eh, who am I trying to impress? I'd drink vodka out of a boot.

Tatum and his friend Jack tried "25 or so" different American-made vodkas, or what I call a "typical Thursday night" -- hey-o!

Tatum said about Grand Teton's vodka,

It just tasted better, different than any vodka that was on the top shelf. There was a smooth taste to do it, like a cool feeling in your mouth. The after taste doesn't burn.

Um... if it doesn't burn, then how do you know if it's working?

Tatum says himself the drink is for the trouble-maker in you, which I can subscribe to.

He said,

[W]hat I want when I pour myself a drink. I want to just cause a little havoc, get into some trouble, get into some safe, manageable mischief.

This explains the jackalope, the trickster, as the mascot and the inside of the label.

One thing is for certain though: If I ever get the hookup and start drinking this vodka, I will 100 percent sob because Channing Tatum is so handsome and I just want the chance to have a conversation with him where he's not weirded out by my touching his abs.

Citations: Channing Tatum's New Vodka Line Promises a "Cool Feeling in Your Mouth" (Cosmopolitan)