As far as I'm concerned, today is Taco Tuesday. I don't care what anyone who has a significant other says. February 14, 2017 is *sobs* Taco Tuesday and Taco Tuesday alone.
OK, OK, OK, yes. I get that today is also technically Valentine's Day, but for the rest of us sad, lonely sacks, tacos are all we have.
So enjoy your dumb, couples dinners and couples rowboat trips and not-dying-alone-because-you-fell-in-the-kitchen-and-hit-your-head-and-nobody-was-around-to-call-911. The rest of us will be here, single, free and avoiding kitchens.
In honor of the day, we hooked up with Mexikosher in NYC to make some tacos based on recent celebrity breakups. Why? For some reason, we thought combining tacos and broken relationships would make us happier.
And, to be honest... IT WORKED! LOOK HOW HAPPY I AM IN THESE PICTURES!
1. The Brangelina Is Being Fishy
Ingredients: fried fish taco with pickled red onions, salsa rojo and garlic aioli
Will make you say: "Love is not a lie."
2. Spending The Weeknd Without Bella
The Weeknd's hair looks like beef shreds and Bella Hadid would totally wear that pink, stringy lump. RIP, beef shreds and lumps.
Ingredients: carne asada taco with pickled red onions, cilantro, onions and tomatillo
Will make you say: "Happiness is out there, you just have to find it."
3. The Taylor
All of Taylor Swift's ex-boyfs look like corn nuggets. Tom Hiddleston looks like a corn nugget. Calvin Harris looks like a corn nugget. Drake looks like a corn nugget. They all look like corn nuggets.
Ingredients: a Birria taco with Mexican corn and serrano aioli
Will make you say: "It's called a relationship because when you RELATE to someone, your heart gets SHIPPED to a better place."
4. The Revenge Body
A Khloé Kardashian-themed health taco to get you on track for a revenge body.
Ingredients: chicken taco with cilantro, pickled red onions and radish
Will make you say: "Love is love is love is love."
5. The RIP Jelena
Messy. Just like sooooo messy. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have had one of the longest, messiest breakups in history. World history. Like out of everyone to have ever lived, Justin and Selena's breakup is in the top 10 messiest breakups.
Ingredients: chorizo taco with pickled red onions, radish salad, fresh cilantro and a bunch of dippin' sauces
Will make you say: "The way her nose gets wrinkled when she laughs, the way she casually pushes the hair away from her eyes, the way she makes me feel is all caps. When I'm with her, I feel like I'm flying in the skies."
The sad, sad, sad bunch.
I'm doing OK, guys. Nothing to see here. I'm not crying... a bunch of bees just got... in my eyes (?). SHUT UP! LIKE YOU HAVE IT THAT MUCH BETTER?!?!?
Please, someone find me a wife.