'Bachelor' Nick Viall And Vanessa Played The Newlywed Game And Obviously Failed

by Taylor Ortega

*Squints eyes* *Pinches nose with index finger and thumb* OK. *Laughs tensely*

Enough. Stop this.

Knowing Nick Viall and Vanessa Grimaldi and the absolute merry-go-round of contentiousness that is their relationship, forcing them to play any version of “The Newlywed Game” is cruel at best.


The “Bachelor” stars visited “The Ellen Degeneres Show” on Tuesday and played a game of “How Engaged Are You?” with producers.

“How Engaged Are You?” is a game that tasks two engaged contestants with answering questions based on who is more guilty of each activity or attribute. It is also a drinking game, much like the entire season of reality television the pair recently appeared on together.

The score?

The couple agrees Nick wakes up first in the morning.

They disagree regarding who takes longer to get ready.

They disagree regarding who spends more time on Instagram.

They agree Nick is messier.

They disagree regarding who is always right (based on season 21 of “The Bachelor,” one might venture to guess neither of them, ever).

They disagree regarding who is funnier.

They graciously name each other the better kisser.

They make these faces when declaring they love each other most in the world.

In a particularly charming interview segment before the game, Nick refers to his "Bachelor" eliminations as "dropping 'em like flies" (aw!) and plugs his new business, The Polished Gent. (It's Birchbox for men!)

Yes, of course, this is the moment where we once again reflect on whether Nick and Vanessa deserve to be miserable together or should just face facts and find their actual soulmates.


We cannot make that decision for them, but it also doesn't mean we have keep buying front-row tickets to this goddamn charade any longer.

Marriage is not mandatory, you guys. You can just start charities and pack dudes their Birchboxes for the rest of your lives and, I promise, no one will fault either of you for it.