Couples who shit together, stay together.
At least that's what I learned today from Amy Schumer.
The comedian appeared on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" to tell the host about a stinky situation she experienced with her boyfriend, Ben Hanisch.
The couple recently went to France for the first time to have a romantic getaway for their one-year anniversary.
They probably planned to split escargot, hold hands under the Eiffel tower and add their names to a love lock on the Pont des Arts bridge.
Instead, they spent a portion of their trip shitting on the toilet and throwing up chunks of French cuisine into each other's mouths.
Amy explains she and Ben both got food poisoning, so they had to rotate using the bathroom to unload. While Amy was on the toilet shitting her brains out, she knew Ben could hear everything through the walls.
She told Ellen,
I knew it was over. I'm yelling at him like 'It was so great dating you. I wish you the best luck, you're gonna meet the greatest girl,' you know, but I knew. I knew it was over. Who can make it through that?
Now, the first poop you ever take in front of your boyfriend is a scary one because *TEEHEE* girls don't poop!
You think, will it smell bad? Will he think I'm gross? Will he be freaked out I have a fully functioning digestive system?
But this wasn't just a poop. This was Niagara Falls, friends. I'm not gonna spoil the ending for you, but Amy Schumer compares herself shitting to firing a machine gun.
Yeah, those things are loud.
According to social media, it looks like Amy and Ben haven't broken up and their love is still going strong.
Congrats, you guys! You did it. You survived every girlfriend's pooping nightmare. Huzzah!
If you can get through this, you can get through anything -- maybe just cook your next dinner at home. And stay away from seafood.
Be sure to listen to Amy Schumer's hilarious story in the interview above.