12 Annoying Things You Should Never Do If You Want To Be Amy Schumer's BFF
This morning, I woke up at 5 am and headed to Union Square's Barnes & Noble to be first in line for Amy Schumer's new book, "The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo."
At 9 am on the dot, the doors opened and fans were handed the most sacred piece of literature to ever grace the planet. It's 300+ pages of pure sex, basically.
In the candid and hilarious page-turner, Amy recounts her funniest stories, relives her greatest (and worst) memories and offers absolutely zero wisdom for her readers.
Well, that last part isn't true, but according to Amy, the book has "NO SELF-HELP INFO OR ADVICE."
LOL Amy. You could tell me to jump out of a plane and I'd do it in a heartbeat. I trust you, OK? Your words are valued more than you know.
Now, what we do get from Amy's book is a list of awful, annoying habits that piss her off.
If you're a fan of the girl and think you're her spirit animal (or whatever shit you tweet at her on the reg), then take a seat.
To be on BFF status with A-Schu, you better make sure you NEVER do any of these things.
Below, check out 12 quotes from "The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo" that sum it up perfectly.
1. Wear your hair down at the gym.
2. Work out with your significant other.
3. Stand too close to her while she's shopping.
4. Ever say the phrase, "I eat to live. I don't live to eat."
5. Get really drunk.
6. Don't look up at the ceiling when you talk.
7. Judge her as a sinner.
8. Talk too loud in public.
9. Wear tiny jean shorts.
10. Bring a book to a bar.
11. Eat "impeccably healthy."
12. Act like a prude.
Be sure to buy Amy's new book on stands today!