Britney Spears' New Song 'Make Me' Is The New Drunk College Hookup Anthem

In case you haven't heard, Britney Spears came out with a new single today and it is a straight up banger. I'm tone deaf so I have no right to really compliment anyone's "beat," but I will say that whatever is going on musically in this song makes me want to GROOVE.

And the lyrics?! OMG, the lyrics.

OK, before I go any further, give it a listen for yourself here:

Great, now that we're all on the same page here, let me drop some KNOWLEDGE on you. By my fifteenth listen to this song this morning, I realized exactly why I felt such a deep connection to it: Britney and G-Eazy are telling a sexy version of every drunk college hookup "relationship" I ever participated in!

Don't believe me? Read along and see my line-by-line translation of the song. Britney Spears plays the part of the college sorority girl who really wants her hookup to ask her to formal, and G-Eazy plays the part of the frat bro who needs a formal date.

Verse 1: Britney Spears

LYRIC: "Friday, I'm dreaming a mile a minute 'bout somebody"

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS: I purposely took that three-hour long Wednesday class to avoid having any classes Friday, but now all my friends are in class and I'm bored trying to think of all the possible reasons you STILL haven't asked me to formal. 

"This feeling, I wanna go with it, 'cause there's no way"

I have a feeling you're going to ask me eventually, and I'm just going to stop stressing about not being asked and trust it.

"We're hiding away from this tonight, oh, this tonight"

Yes, we've been hooking up for three weeks and we even hung out sober that one time, but we don't have to talk about what we are tonight. 

"Can tell you want me"

I mean, you sent me the FB invite to the Beta pregame tonight AND snapped me a pic of you playing beer pong today (seriously, why else would you snap me that?). Obviously, you want to take me to formal.

"By the way I see you starin' 'cross the room, babe"

OK, WTF. Why haven't you said hi yet?! Can't tell if you're hammered or socially awkward.

"No shame in the game"

Literally no shame, considering we are both on the verge of blackout.

"Just cut the shit, be honest"

Are you taking me to formal or not?!

"Yeah, you know what you gotta do tonight, do tonight"

You HAVE to invite me to formal. Literally all my friends are going.

Pre-Chorus 1: Britney Spears

"I just want you to make me move"

...to Vegas for the weekend as your Beta formal date.

"Like it ain't a choice for you, like you got a job to do"

...because I'm the best and the only girl you want to take. 

"Just want you to raise my roof"

...in my car so we can fit in the massive cooler I'm going to make for you. 

"Something sensational (oh yeah)"

I promise I will make you the best cooler in the world. I'll even spring for some Smirnoff.

Chorus: Britney Spears

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry I'm not making sense. I'm drunk.

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry I'm not making sense. I'm drunk.

Verse 2: Britney Spears

"No rules"

I know you said I'm not supposed to hook up with Pikes, but we are at the bar now and you still have not spoken to me so, yeah, obviously I'm going to use this guy to make you jealous.

"From the bar to the car, let's take it back to my room"

If my plan works out, you'll see me with him. Then you'll get jealous. Then we'll hook up here for a little. Then in the car when you call for a pledge to drive us home. Then at my place. (Then you'll ask me to formal.)

"Igniting the heat of the moment; let the sparks fuse"

It's so hot in this shitty college dive bar and I'm pretty sure the power just went out.

"Blowing up to the ceiling, we're burning bright"

We're literally dressed in really bright colors because the pregame was "Tight and Bright" themed.

"When we cross the line"

OK, yeah, I might have taken the "tight" thing a little too far. Breathing is hard.

Pre-Chorus 2: Britney Spears

"Cause you're the flame I can't do without"

You're the hottest Beta.

"The fire comes in the sapphire sun"

I think I learned this in that Intro to Phil class we took together freshman year?

"There's no way I'm gonna be fighting this tonight, this tonight"

I'm about to get way too drunk to play it any sort of cool.

Pre-Chorus 1: Britney Spears

"I just want you to make me move"

...to Vegas for the weekend as your Beta formal date.

"Like it ain't a choice for you, like you got a job to do"

...because I'm the best and the only girl you want to take. 

"Just want you to raise my roof"

...in my car so we can fit in the massive cooler I'm going to make for you. 

"Something sensational (oh yeah)"

I promise I will make you the best cooler in the world. I'll even spring for some Smirnoff.

Chorus: Britney Spears

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry I'm not making sense. I'm drunk.

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry I'm not making sense. I'm drunk.

Post-Chorus: Britney Spears & G-Eazy

"Baby, cause you're the spark that won't go out"

I know we've had about 30 "talks" about how this is over, but we both know we're going to get drunk and end up hooking up again.

"My heart's on fire when you're around"

...because I like you so much but also because my diet consists of cheesy fries and $4 handles of vodka.

"Make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry we're not making sense. We're drunk.

Verse 3: G-Eazy

"I don't care if it's a random person or the biggest star"

I don't really care who I end up taking; I just really need a date to this thing.

"Out in Vegas or little bars"

I do need a date for formal in Vegas, but could also definitely stand to get some action at the bars tonight.

"Really not a difference if it's near or far"

Could honestly bang anyone at any time.

"Listen, here we are; need you"

I mean, you're here and I really  do need a date to formal.

"I've always wondered what was off limits"

I know you're actually insane and you've banged like half my frat, but does that make you completely off limits?

"Staring at you 'til I'm caught in this"

I'm not gonna make a move, but I'll look at you until you make one. That way I don't get shit from the boys for actually being into you.

"Back and forth like this was all tennis"

You're staring back. Got this in the bag.

"I'm all jealous, you came with someone"

Wait, who's that guy?! A Pike?!  And to the pregame I INVITED YOU TO?! You're joking.

"But we could tell that there's changes coming"

He's obviously not going to last long; he's a Pike.

"See, I could tell that you're a dangerous woman"

I knew you might be trouble when you burst into tears and sent me upwards of 74 angry text messages after you saw me making out with someone else at that darty last week.

"That means you're speaking my language, come on"

But, honestly, crazy chicks are my type.

"Now follow me, let's go"

Honestly, I'm doing you a favor by saving you from him. A Pike?!

"Like Penelope in 'Blow'"

Also, like, I have some blow in my room right now. If you want. Or whatever.

"Well worth the stealing you, it's a felony, yeah I know"

Yes, I win. Just another reason Beta always beats Pike.

"That's why they keep on telling me to let go, yeah"

My friends are going to be pissed when they find out I'm taking you to formal.

Bridge: G-Eazy

"But I need you and I can take you"

I really need to lock in a date to formal and I know no one has asked you yet.

"All the way and I'm able"

I can take you there, seriously. I don't have a date yet.

"To give you something sensational, so let's go, yeah"

You get free Beta sweatshirts and T-shirts; they're awesome.

"Said I need you and I can take you"

I really need a date.

"All the way and I'm able"

I already have pledges lined up to drive us all the way there.

"So follow me and I can make you"

If you want to drive on your own with your friends, that's fine. You can just follow our car. 

Chorus: Britney Spears & G-Eazy

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry we're not making sense. We're drunk.

"And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry we're not making sense. We're drunk.

Post-Chorus: Britney Spears & G-Eazy

"Baby, 'cause you're the spark that won't go out"

I know we've had about 30 "talks" about how this is over but we both know we're going to get drunk and end up hooking up again.

"My heart's on fire when you're around"

...because I like you so much but also because my diet consists of cheesy fries and $4 handles of vodka.

"Make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh"

Sorry we're not making sense. We're drunk.

I know.  Your mind is blown.