'Bachelorette' Rachel Describes How She Said "Goodbye" To Dean And It's Heartbreaking

Josh Vertucci / ABC

If you were heartbroken at seeing this week's Bachelorette elimination, you're not alone. There's absolutely no shame if you gave in to the feelings and cried your eyes out after Dean got sent home — and after his heart-wrenching hometown visit, too! Turns out, the Bachelorette herself did the same thing.

Rachel Lindsay blogged about the hometown visits with her final four suitors for People, and oh my god the drama. I mean, we're seeing it all go down, but it's so different hearing it in her own words.

Rachel wrote plenty about the other suitors and their visits, but of course, the story we all wanted to hear was, what about Dean?

When the fan favorite got sent home on July 17, people were shocked. But despite Dean's heartbreaking comment about his feelings not being reciprocated, Rachel didn't send him home because she didn't care for him, she says.

In fact, she says that in comforting him after meeting his father, they “ended up sharing [their] love for each other,” and that made the rose ceremony all the harder. In fact, she said, she cried over it — the entire flight to Dallas.

But despite the emotions, she knew that it wasn't meant to be.

“When my tears dried I realized that, while I do feel a love for Dean, I'm just not sure he's in a place in his life where he's ready to settle down and start a family in the near future,” she wrote.

I mean, that's 100% a legitimate reason to not commit to someone, sad as it is. Non-TV couples break up because they're in different life places all the time.

But it's the rest of it that will really make you ugly-cry.

After saying that she thought he was still figuring his feelings out, Rachel continued,

It was a tough goodbye — he was defensive, confused and a bit angry. I know that sometimes at first being angry is easier to stomach than allowing yourself to be sad.

Oh god. Give me a minute. It's just a little too real.

But she also wanted to make sure everyone — and particularly Dean himself — knew that it had nothing to do with his family and their visit. She said,

I prayed that night [that] he wasn't leaving this relationship believing I judged him based on meeting his family. I only judged him on if he was ready for the same things I am.

As heartbreaking as it is, it seems like it's for the best.

This isn't the last we'll see of Dean — he's going to have another shot with Bachelor Nation. He's been cast on the upcoming season of Bachelor in Paradise, and rumor has it he has a new girlfriend to boot.

Time heals all wounds, Dean.