You Don't Actually Miss Your Ex, You Miss Who You Were With Her

The years pass like express trains. Every once in a while, you get a glimpse of the people inside, and they represent memories that exist only for as long as you can hold on to them. And just as you focus on the faces of the people in the cars, the train has moved into another tunnel.

Life. What a curious thing. We are who we are, but we're also different from the people we were yesterday and the ones we'll be tomorrow.

We change into different people every year. We create new memories. We live different lives. With each year, our lives change -- for better or worse.

It's comforting to imagine that there is always hope for a better tomorrow. We haven't peaked; there's more to explore and discover. The world is full of endless possibilities for people who dare to create opportunities.

There is always fun to be had. There are memories and love to be made. But we aren't always improving or becoming better. Change is natural, but we don’t always change for the better.

For many people, our best selves are in the past or in the future. For some of us, yesterday was the best day of our lives. We were our best selves. Yesterday’s love was the purest, richest, most honest love we’re ever going to experience.

More than success or misfortune, it is love that changes us. Heartache shapes us.

The people we love most deeply affect us the most. Being in love means trusting, admiring and respecting a partner. It means allowing someone into your life to such a degree that your very self is changed.

If you've been in love, you'll know exactly what I’m talking about. For better or worse, being in love makes you a different person. It changes the way you perceive the world around you. Love literally changes your life.

When you think about your past loves, what do you remember? Did you fall for the people themselves? Or is it about more than that? We're not just in love with our partners; we're in love with the people we become when we're with them.

I'll admit that love doesn’t always improve us. Sometimes, relationships are toxic. But when love does make us better people, that’s when letting go becomes incredibly difficult. It's not just that you miss your ex; likely, you miss the person you were when you were together.

The life you had was much closer to the life you want to be living. If you had your heart broken, it's safe to say you veered down a path far away from the life you had. It changed you into someone you may not even recognize -- let alone approve.

It's painful to look back at days that are long gone. It's painful to realize you are no longer the same kind, happy, hopeful and positive person. It's painful to realize the life you once lived -- which now exists only as a shadow of a memory -- was better than the life you're living.

You probably don’t distinguish between the love itself, your lover and the life you lived when you were in love. It's the experience you're longing for.

You want to love again. You want to wake up smiling again. You want to be happy, excited and unscathed -- not war-torn and scarred by reminders of better days.

Chances are that the reason you want to fall in love again doesn't have a lot to do with actually being in love. Rather, it's about returning to the person you used to be. It's not about your ex. It's about that incredible high you get when you're with someone you love.

It's about your dissatisfaction with the person you are now. It's about wanting to turn back time just to get back one moment of your old life. You aren't happy with who you've become.

Perhaps you're not entirely unhappy, but you do wish that some of your former self had survived the journey. Maybe it's time to resuscitate that person. Maybe it's time to let go of your ex and focus on turning yourself into someone you can love.

You don’t need anyone else to make you happy. Only you can manage. And it’s not about falling in love with other people; it’s about falling back in love with yourself.

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