This Is Why You Should Always Set The Bar High When Dating Someone New

by Dr. Pari

I am a child of the 1980s and a woman of the 2000s. When I pick up my phone on Friday night and hit the screen to order transportation, I expect to have a car at my building within minutes. When I get into that car, I can sync my Bluetooth, and I expect my streaming music to start playing.

Lastly, once the night is over, I can regrettably hit one of my food delivery app options and have whatever late-night delicacy I choose delivered quickly.

It is socially acceptable to have all of these quick delivery expectations. In fact, we expect people to expect them. Yet, if I meet a man and engage in physical or emotional intimacy with him, I am told I should expect nothing in return.

As a gynecologist, I have talked to countless women about their encounters and relationships, and I have noticed a trend of women setting the bar very low for what may occur.

I have witnessed so many women spending months and sometimes years in a quasi-relationship. They give themselves emotionally and physically to someone, but they say, “I don't know… I don't expect anything.” Or, they meet a man, have sex with him and then say, “I don't know if I will hear from him… I don't expect anything.”

There is an idea out there that if you “expect something,” you're asking too much, you aren't cool and you have no chill. Well, I am here to say that is bullshit.

Please don't misinterpret what I am saying as anything to do with marriage or commitment. For example, "We have been dating X amount of years, so I expect a ring," or "We have been talking X amount of time, and therefore, I expect him to be my boyfriend." You cannot expect another person to have the same feelings that you do. Marriage or commitment are not things that are earned, and they should never be time-sensitive.

In fact, I loathe that type of thought process. What I am speaking of is more along the lines of human decency.

If you are a woman that has sex with a man and puts herself at risk for STDs, pregnancy and emotional involvement, you should expect to hear from this human being again. If you do not, then you should expect to hear why. If you are having sex with a man regularly, you should expect that he is capable of handling a conversation regarding monogamy, so that you understand the risks you are taking.

If you are seeing a man and investing time in his well-being, you should expect the same in return. If you ask him about the relationship status, you should expect a straightforward answer without the fear it may make him uncomfortable or “chase him away.”

The bottom line is, we should expect some things from other people. If not, then we are just random bodies bumping into each other. As an evolved species, we should expect to have a loving and respectful exchange with one another.

I wouldn't drive if I didn't expect to arrive at my destination. I wouldn't eat if I didn't expect to get full. I wouldn't sleep if I didn't expect to get rest. And if I give myself to someone physically or emotionally, I expect to be treated with care, respect and kindness.

For the record, it is not careful, respectful or kind to ghost a woman, bench a woman, neg a woman or be allusive, dishonest or disregarding of a woman.

So, women, let's raise the standard and proudly expect more.