What You Learn About Love When You're A Woman Who's Difficult To Love

by Gigi Engle

When you are a woman who is hard to love, you learn a lot of lessons about relationships very quickly.

You find that starting the glorious adventure that is romance is easy, but maintaining that romance is a grueling task.

You are fiery, exciting and sexy. You smolder like the dark and mysterious underbelly of a volcano.

Men and women alike are drawn to you like moths to a flame. Yet, just like Icarus, when they fly too close, they tend to get burned.

Dating you is constant drama, whether or not you care to acknowledge that fact. You are a vessel of emotion and lust.

There will be constant fights, screaming battles and intense makeups. You feel harder, love harder and care harder than anyone. Being with you is extremely exciting, but it is also incredibly exhausting.

There are few men and women who can keep up with you. You are brilliant and beautiful and frustrating, and you’ll drive a person crazy. You drain your partner of his or her energy because you feed off it.

You’ve tried to calm down for the sake of love. You’ve tried to be sweet and gentle and soft. You’ve tried to be… easy.

Yet, it felt so alien, so unlike you. You couldn’t mask your true nature for very long. You are passion incarnate. You are dreams and nightmares all crammed inside of a woman’s body.

Every boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve ever had has eventually thrown up his or her hands in defeat. Not one could tame you; not one could tether you.

Loving you is akin to loving a storm. You’re so very mesmerizing but so very volatile. A storm comes into your life, shakes things up, uproots the earth, trees and houses, and as quickly as it lays its hands on the world, it grows restless and moves on. That is what it is like to love you.

You, my dear, are a woman who is very, very difficult to love. You should appreciate that about yourself, not become disheartened by it.

Do not let anyone dampen your spirit. Do not let anyone smother your fire. You are splendid, and you are perfect.

You are hard, but you are so worth it. You learn how to love successfully in the hardest way, but you love the lessons all the same.

When you find a love that lasts, don’t question it because it’s finally right.

You learn love takes a lot of work

Any love worth having is worth fighting for. A fruitful, successful relationship doesn’t happen without a lot of hard work and nurturing.

You’ve always been a pistol, going through life, loving with a reckless abandon. After time spent and love lost, you start to realize a healthy relationship is born from the fruits of labor. Nothing with you is ever going to be effortless, not even the greatest of loves.

You learn what kind of love you deserve

Going through countless breakups and intensely passionate, tragic affairs can do a number on your self-esteem. What is wrong with you that it never seems to work out?

You start to question if you are even deserving of love. You’ve often found yourself settling for people who weren’t worthy of you just to satiate your longing.

Those people could not even begin to handle you. You should be loved fiercely. It may be difficult to love you, but the person who truly, completely and wholeheartedly loves you is a person who has earned you.

You learn that love is patience

The kind of person who can sincerely handle you is someone who has an unbelievable amount of patience. You’ll start to learn patience and love are one in the same.

One cannot survive without the other. You are unable to muster that pesky patience, so you rely on your partner to be patient with you. You are a chaotic person, but the right kind of love will be able to work with that chaos instead of constantly trying to fix it.

You learn happiness comes from self-love

You’ll never be able to love another person until you learn to love yourself. When you find your attempts at love tend to fail, you start to develop the love you have for yourself.

You start to embrace your solitude and truly appreciate it. Time spent alone is time for self-development and self-improvement.

You learn love is compromise

You’ve never been good at compromising. Anything that disrupts your routine or your life, you don’t tolerate. Therefore, your relationships crumble.

Once you embrace the fact that no love can thrive without compromise, you’ll be able to force yourself to embrace it. Love is give and take.

You learn to live with your crazy

There are some girls who attempt to hide their crazy for as long as possible. You can’t do this. It is all out there from the very start.

It can be hard to be constantly told you’re a crazy bitch. The truth is, you kind of are a crazy bitch. But that’s not a bad thing. Your crazy puts color in the world, it makes things more beautiful and more vibrant.

Calm and simple may be easy, but it’s boring. Embrace your crazy because it is the stuff that makes life worth living.

You learn to love yourself just the way you are

A woman who is difficult to love is not a bad woman. You are not someone to be feared or despised. You are simply complicated and willful.

Only the brave of heart can truly love you because you are magnificent. The weak are the ones who will accept losing the battle. You learn to love yourself despite all of your “defects” you’re told make it impossible to have a relationship with you.

The right love will adore you and be able to love you because of your flaws, not in spite of them.

Originally inspired by Warsan Shire's, "Difficult To Love."