I Asked My Husband What Made Him Sure He Wanted To Marry Me
My husband is my favorite person in the entire world. So naturally, one day, I decided to pick his brain and figure out the answer to a question I'm still not sure of: exactly why my husband wanted to marry me. You see, he's perfect. He's everything I dreamed about in a husband when I was 15 years old (tall, blonde, blue-eyed, muscular), when I was 20 (funny, witty, great with my friends and family, a perfect date), and when I was 25 (kind to everyone he meets, full of love, and insanely supportive).
So when he picked me, I was confused. We went from first date to married in just eight weeks, so something must have drawn him to me. It probably wasn't my inability to do the dishes or my scarily cranky attitude when I get woken up from sleep.
Luckily, I get to write about love for a living, so I thought it was a great opportunity to ask my husband just what the hell he was thinking when he decided to marry me. This is what he said:
1. "You Make Me See What's Actually Important In Life"
"It doesn't matter what kind of car we have or house or brand of clothes. Being with you is just about us trying to find our happiness and experiencing things together."
I'll admit, I am not at all a materialistic person. Last year, I quit my lucrative job as an attorney to travel the world. I already wasn't that into consumerism, but after this switch, I was even more about life and love and less about things and stuff.
Turns out, this is one of the things that drew my husband to me. He likes that I'm not like anyone else and that he knows I'll be happy forever in a tiny house with just him, our pets, a few pairs of clothes, and some running shoes.
2. "You Make Me Feel Like I Can Always Be Open With You"
One thing my husband said he really liked about me before we got married (and, you know, still does like about me) is that he said he never felt like there was anything he couldn't share with me. Whether it was something he royally screwed up or just something really emotionally taxing, he said I always made him feel like I'd be there and love him no matter what.
I'm glad he feels that way, because that's how I feel relationships should be. Even when someone does something horrifically awful (he's never done something horrifically awful) or makes some kind of huge mistake, they aren't a bad person. I picked him because I knew he was the best person I'd ever met.
So what if he sometimes screws up? We all do (and I screw up way more than he does), and it's important to me that I always make him feel like the best husband in the world. Because he is.
3. "You Make Me Feel Like I Can Always Be Myself"
Before we got married, my husband had been in a few not-so-great relationships, where he felt like the other person always wanted him to change. Whether it was his hairstyle, his favorite sport, or even the way he dressed, he felt like he was constantly being told he wasn't good enough.
So when he met me, he was happy to find I liked him just the way he is. This was another thing he said that made me really happy, because I do believe the best relationships are the ones where we feel like we can be totally ourselves. That's why we choose our best friends, after all, because they let us be us — why should romantic relationships be any different?
I don't really care how he dresses, what team he likes, or what his hair looks like — I don't even really care if he puts the seat down or if he has a weird personality. All I care about is that he's wonderful and kind. And I love the rest of him because it's who he is.
4. "You Never Criticize Me Or Behave With Contempt Toward Me"
I'm a fairly high-strung, stressed out individual. I try to always react well to unexpected situations, but I'm not always sure that I succeed. Something must be working, though, because my husband said what he loves about me is that I get stressed out and critical of situations, but it's never directed at him.
"Even when something really annoying is happening, you don't take it out on me," he says. "You make me feel like I'm fine and we're fine, but that the situation is just bugging you."
This, I think, is critical to remember in relationships, and I'm glad I'm OK at it. Directing stress and anger at a partner will just make everyone more stressed and angry. Instead, try to laugh about it all, but even if you can't, keep your stressed directed at the problem, not at your love.
5. "Because Of Who You Are, No Matter What's Happening, I Always Want To Be With You"
I was surprised to hear this, because I had never really thought of things this way, but my husband said I was the only person he wanted to be around, through good and bad.
"Even when things are feeling stressful or life is hard, I only ever want to hang out with you. If things aren't going our way, you make me feel like it doesn't matter because it's just part of the adventure we're on together," he says.
Because I don't have a very short temper, and because I think adulting is stupid, I'll admit that I prioritize totally different things than the average grownup. I don't believe in consumerism, I don't believe in working ourselves to death, and I'd rather leave the clothes unfolded for days than miss out on a wonderful experience or adventure.
And when things go wrong, well, so what? It's life.
6. "We Always Have Fun"
We do always fun — that much is true. I picked my husband to marry and ran away from all prior relationships because he has the two qualities I value most in myself: kindness and the ability to have fun with anything.
He is thrilled that our relationship involves as much fun as possible. Whether we're at a Disney theme park having a goofy day, at a rave wearing diffraction glasses and partying it up, or even just at the grocery store, we're having a good time.
My personal philosophy is that too many people forget that relationships are supposed to be fun, supportive partnerships. They are not supposed to be all about the bills and scheduling and the chores. We have one life and, if we're lucky, one really great love, so we may as well do it up with as much fun as possible.
7. "You're The Hottest Girl I've Ever Met"
"We can go to the gym together, but we don't go to stuff there together. We go, we do our own thing, and then, I get to appreciate the work later when I see your body," he says. "Your curves, the hard work you put in. It's a lot of fun running my hands over all of that."
OK, so that one got a little dirty, but I actually love this about him: I was super happy to have a gym partner forever and a partner in healthy eating. My husband is a chiropractor as well, so he loves anatomy and believes strongly in the body's ability to heal itself.
To me, our health is one of the most important things we possess. We only have one body, just like we only have one life, so I love that my husband and I believe in taking care of ourselves together.
8. "You Shower Me With Love"
My husband said he knew he wanted to marry me because I made him feel more loved and accepted than anyone in the world: "It's in your gestures toward me, it's in your tone, it's how you smile at me. It's how you cup my face when you kiss me. You make me feel loved all the time."
That's a nice thing for a wife to hear, because I always strive to make him feel loved. I believe in the partnership between two individuals and how it's the responsibility of both people to make sure their partner feels loved and appreciated, so I was happy to hear that my husband felt this way. Because I do love him all the time.
Asking my husband what made him want to marry me was a really cool, fun experiment. It reminded me of all the reasons I wanted to marry him, too: Because he's sweet, kind, and values me for who I am.
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