At what moment do you realize you may be falling in love with someone? When you realize how nervous that person makes you feel. Nervousness is one of the ways our minds tell us someone means a lot to us. So when we find someone who always manages to make us nervous, it’s a clear sign we find keeping them around extremely important.
If you’re stuck wondering why do I get nervous around him? or why do I second-guess texting her?, it’s completely normal — and it can be a sign that you care. “Some degree of nerves is actually a good sign, because that means it's something that matters to you and it's a person you might have the potential to care about and connect with,” Lauren Freier, a Chicago-based psychotherapist, previously told Elite Daily. Plus, according to Freier, if you felt no nerves at all, especially in the beginning of a relationship, it might mean you’re just not that interested.
Human beings are usually egocentric creatures — until we fall in love. Most of the nervousness we feel stems from the need to protect ourselves, but it’s only when we are in love that those nerves extend to another person. When we fall for someone, we start to feel for and worry about another person in a way almost identical to how we feel for and worry about ourselves.
If you’re hoping for intense and passionate love, the person you should spend your life with is the person who always manages to make you nervous. It’s when we feel a need to protect and hold on to another that we have found someone worth keeping around — someone we care about as much as we care about ourselves.
1. You’re Antsy To See Them Again
Even when the two of you are apart, you aren’t really apart — messaging each other throughout the day — yet, when you know you’re going to physically be in his or her presence, you get butterflies.
We experience these nerves most profoundly in the beginning of the relationship, while everything is still novel, still a mystery, and when we’re most keen on making him or her, ours. “Falling in love — or rather falling in lust — activates those pleasure centers housed in [the basal ganglia] which causes an immediate physiological response...Your stomach will do somersaults,” Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author, explained to NBC News BETTER. Most claim these butterflies fade with time, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case.
Sure, you may not get nerves each and every time you’re about to see your love, but if you never get nervous anymore, then you might have an issue at hand. Feeling a little bit nervous can remind us how much we love the person we’re with. The problem is that as time goes on, we often stop paying enough attention to our partners to give ourselves a chance to be nervous.
Remember, happy and healthy relationships take some work to maintain; ideally, neither partner is stuck on autopilot (at least, not forever). It’s true that after some time, the novelty of a new relationship wears off and things won’t seem quite as exciting as before, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to call it quits or give in to the boredom. You’re living in a world where possibilities and experiences are endless.
So if your lover never makes you nervous with anticipation, take it as a sign that you need to get back in touch with each other and maybe even mix things up a bit. Relationships take work. If you love this person enough, then you’ll put that effort in.
2. You’re Nervous About Pushing Them Away
Nobody’s perfect, but sometimes, we get inside our heads about our so-called “flaws.” Those moments of insecurity can make us question our relationship and how our SO feels about us. We don’t want our imperfections to scare our partner away. While you might think ignorance is bliss, sharing those personal stories and offbeat quirks will actually build trust and strengthen your relationship in the long run. Your partner shouldn’t just love your highlight reel — the right person will love every part of you, no matter what.
3. You’re Worried About The Possibility Of Breaking Up
If there are no red flags in your relationship, and you’re still questioning why does he make me nervous? or why do they still give me butterflies?, your anxiety could be stemming from the thought of your relationship ending. You might be in a position where you love your partner so much that just the thought of you not being together for the rest of your life scares you a little.
Breakups happen all the time and the decision to call it quits usually isn’t unanimous. People have a lot of their own demons to deal with and sometimes even an amazing relationship will end — if only because one of the two individuals isn’t ready.
Being a part of a relationship isn’t easy — nowhere as easy as pop culture likes to make it seem. Half the time we drive ourselves away by getting lost in our own unnecessarily negative thoughts. And if we aren’t nervous about him or her leaving us, we’re usually nervous about whether or not we ourselves are ready to call this one “the one.”
“Commitment and grief inevitably go hand-in-hand — a truth that very much confronts our romanticized notion that love should be easy, breezy, [and] carefree," Dr. Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of Taking Sexy Back, previously explained to Elite Daily. "When we choose to commit to this partner, we must simultaneously let go of all the lives we will not live." Pretty heavy stuff, so some nerves are totally normal.
4. You’re Nervous About How Much You Love Them
Love is an incredibly complicated emotion and experience. Your happiness shouldn’t depend entirely on having them in your life, but losing this person might very well break your heart. It’s not uncommon to be anxious about how much we care about, love, and depend on someone, especially if we’ve been in this position before — already knowing how much losing someone can hurt you is enough to make you feel nervous about falling too hard for someone new.
After heartbreak, you might be hesitant to give your whole heart away again. But if you ease into it, sharing it a little at a time, your lover will have the opportunity to prove they deserve to hold onto it. As you two build trust in each other, these feelings of nervousness will subside.
5. You Have Nervous Butterflies About The Future
You know where the relationship is heading, and although it's going in the right direction, you’re a bit anxious — frightened even — about what lies ahead. You’ve gotten to the point in your relationship where things are beginning to become… serious. And although you love the person you decided to share your life with, knowing what could come next still makes you a little nervous.
You may feel confident that your love will make it through but still feel some residual nerves, and that’s completely OK. It shows you’re moving forward, past your comfort zones, together.
6. Love Can Create Nervous Feelings Surrounding Life & Death
I have no idea when I will get married or whom I’ll marry, but I’m already nervous about the inevitability of losing her. It’s not about "not being able to live without this person." It’s about knowing you may very well have to live without them someday — and that’s not something you can think about for too long without tearing up.
Having existential concerns when you fall in love is actually pretty common. “When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality,” Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. and clinical psychologist, wrote for Psychology Today. “Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening.”
It might not even matter if you believe an afterlife, because you can’t imagine existing on Earth without your love by your side. They’re your universe — your reality. This person is your home.
No relationship (platonic or romantic) should feel like you’re walking on eggshells, and if you suspect something more serious — like any type of abuse or intimate partner violence — please get help immediately. (See below for important contact information.)
But a few nerves here and there can be proof that your relationship is still exciting for the both of you. When it comes to romance, maintaining some sense of anticipatory excitement might happen naturally, but it also might take some work. It’s up to you to decide whether or not your relationship is worth it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Lauren Freier, psychotherapist
Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. and clinical psychologist
Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author
This article was originally published on