Why You Shouldn't Go Out With A Guy You Don't Have Good 'Text Chemistry' With

by Arielle Lana LeJarde
Cloud Studio

Dating apps are definitely my shit, but talking to so many guys at the same time can get really exhausting.

Thankfully, I'm now dating someone worth deleting all six of the dating apps I was using, but it was only two weeks ago that I was obsessively swiping and messaging tons of guys.

What I learned from talking to all these dudes was that was just because you have a lot of matches, it doesn't mean they'll all turn out to be physical dates.

You have to weed out the guys who are only talking to you because they're bored, the guys who just want to hook up, the guys who just want you to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend and, lastly, the guys who seem really cute and sweet but you have horrible text chemistry with them.

Text chemistry is essentially how you feel about someone while you're texting them. You can figure out if you have text chemistry with someone by asking yourself these questions when you're texting them:

Are you actually laughing out loud or are you bored as fuck and even forget to text them back most of the time?  Is your conversation full of funny memes and stories or is it a back and forth of "what you doin?" 10 times a day.

Coming from a Tinder-ella herself, I can confirm that text chemistry IS REAL. And there are so many reasons you shouldn't risk wasting your time with someone whom you don't have good text chemistry with:

If they're boring in a text, it's not going to be any different in person.

While some people may not be as exciting in text as they are in person, it's still even rarer they'll be exciting in person after being boring in text.

The first guy I ever spoke to on a dating app was a nerdy frat boy (yes, they exist), whom I only messaged first because I just joined a sorority and wanted someone who understood what Greek life was about.

He was super sweet and texted me "good morning" every day without skipping a beat, but he was all the way bland.

Believe it or not, our mundane conversations lasted a month before we actually met, and SURPRISE, SURPRISE, he was boring in real life, too.

Even though "good morning" and "good night" texts are appreciated because they're so uncommon now, I'd rather be with somebody who can hold a conversation with me over someone who knows my sleep schedule.

So just because he's a nice, good guy, it doesn't mean he's the right fit for you.

If they can't catch your sarcasm in a text, they just don't get you.

My old manager at Victoria's Secret once told me no guy would ever love me because I'm too sarcastic. Being single for practically my whole existence, I was starting to think she was right.

Then, I matched with this guy who ACTUALLY found me funny, and my hope in ever finding ~the one~ was restored.

Usually, my relationships die out faster than my phone battery (as you can see), but me and the Tinder dude from these messages lasted almost a year. To this day, it's the longest I've ever been with someone.

Getting back in the game was frustrating because guys would think my jokes were serious, and they'd get offended. I would get "why don't you like me?" and "why are you so mean?" texts CONSTANTLY.

Being sarcastic is who I am eight days a week, and if you can't understand that, then, I don't know... try to date someone less funny?

Having a sense of humor is what everyone looks for in the person they're dating. If you can't laugh with them, it's not a good sign.

You should date someone whom you actually want to talk to.

The person you're dating is the first person you should think about texting when you have good news or bad news.

So if you have to wait to see them to tell them something important because you know they won't communicate well through text, then why bother?

Texting is just another form of communication, and communication is vital in a healthy relationship.

Texting is just another form of communication, and communication is vital in a healthy relationship.

I've dated someone who I didn't enjoy texting for some of the reasons I listed above, and even though our chemistry was really great in person, we couldn't always physically be together.

He lived in Jersey and worked 12-hour night shifts as a nurse, and I'm a college student in Brooklyn. Texting was the only way we could (virtually) spend time together until he had days off.

But he would continually get upset at my sarcastic jokes, and I would continually get upset at his vapid responses.

There was no way we could last if the only reason we were together was because it only felt right when we were in front of each other. It was just not going to work out.

Not everyone has the same texting habits, but text chemistry has definitely changed the game in dating. So it's imperative that you and your boo complement each other in that respect.

Someone who needs to text all day and every day can't be dating someone who isn't a great texter. A person who needs quick responses will find it difficult to date someone who can't or won't give that type of attention. And if you really like sexting, a person who's uncomfortable with dirty talk and nudes probably won't give you what you need.

I'm sure there are ways people can change for the person they're seeing, but in my experience, text chemistry is pretty similar to real chemistry. It can't be created or forced, and the spark just has to be there.