19 Things That Happen When Your Text Chemistry Doesn't Translate IRL
I am a young, single girl in New York City, so Of COURSE I've been on my fair share of dating apps. They’re normal. They’re fun. They’re how you’re supposed to meet people these days.
But they’re…not for me.
I realized this a while back. I met a great guy on Tinder. We matched, and the banter was out-of-control amazing. I have a weird sense of humor. AND THIS GUY GOT IT! And not only did he get it, but he even managed to make me laugh out loud. And not just "lol" -- I mean actually LAUGH OUT LOUD.
So, like in most dating app romances, we took our conversation over to text messaging, where the conversation continued -- and where I continued to grow more and more interested in this guy. He was perfect; he had to be!
Finally, our “relationship” went a step further when we decided to hang out for the first time IRL. I was excited, but I wasn’t nervous. What could go wrong? This guy and I had chemistry THROUGH THE ROOF.
Well, we met up, and I’ll tell you what happened: It was awkward. All of that fantastic banter we had leading up to our first date suddenly felt like a really misleadingly great preview for a really, truly, awful movie.
And I know I'm not the only person who has ever had an experience like this. Maybe yours wasn’t bad enough to make you quit dating apps entirely. Maybe yours wasn’t even related to a dating app!
The point is that we live in a world where we can build an entire relationship before ever having met a person in the flesh. Things are bound to get awkward every now and then.
Here are 19 things that happen when your texting chemistry doesn't quite translate its way into your real life.
1. You thought he was laughing at all of your jokes, but really he was just typing “lol.”
So, you weren’t actually rolling on the floor laughing at my joke about the tomatoes? Weird.
2. You thought he had eyes for just you, but he actually sent the same message to 20 other girls.
“Aaaaaaayyyyyyy, what are you doing tonight?” wasn't just for me?!
3. You thought you two had some serious sexual tension, but really it was just tension.
The flirty chemistry just did not work its way over to your real-life interaction. In reality, you were not even slightly physically attracted to this human, and it was just so, so awkward.
4. You thought you two were soulmates, but you were really just super awkward in person.
It felt like you’d known him forever. Until you actually met him in person -- and remembered that he was a virtual stranger.
5. You thought his responses were spontaneous, but when you were face-to-face, it took him an hour to come up with that one funny line.
I said something funny! Why isn’t he saying something funny back?! OH, because he doesn’t have 24 hours to come up with the perfect thing.
6. You thought he actually loved your favorite band, but he just actually quickly found their latest album on Spotify.
So you aren’t ACTUALLY a die-hard ABBA fan…?
7. You thought you had the same interests, but it was actually just your Facebook likes.
But wouldn’t it have been so awesome if he just HAPPENED to love both "The Golden Girls" and "Entourage"?!
8. You thought he was smooth, but actually he just liked your picture from a year ago.
It was so refreshing to be with someone who didn’t feel the need to creep on me on every form of social media -- until I found out that I wasn’t with someone like that at all…
9. You thought he was playing it cool, but actually he’s just really slow.
A five-hour response time wasn’t just a sexy tactic to leave you wanting more. No, it just really takes him that long to process what you said and think of something clever to say back.
10. You thought he had great things to say, but it turns out the voice he says them in is heinous.
Nobody prepared me for him possessing the voice box of a high-pitched clown!!
11. You thought he was being ironic when he was actually being serious.
No, he didn’t jokingly hate puppies. He actually just hates puppies.
12. You thought you had so much in common, but you realized you milked your one topic of interest.
And now you’ve got nothing to talk about. Zip. Zilch. NADA.
13. You think it’s a date, but then he sends you a Google invite.
So this is a…corporate event?
14. You think you have banter, but it turns out you just hate each other.
This is not flirty banter. This is just plain old banter. Like, the kind that old married couples who have no sex and fantasize about divorce regularly have. The only difference is that you two haven’t been together for 37 years.
15. You thought he was sensitive, but his words cant carry without emojis.
Somehow, his “that's too bad” doesn’t seem as genuine without that pitiful-looking emoji with the single tear coming down one eye.
16. You thought it was cute when he triple-texted, but it turns out he just talks too much in real life.
SHUT THE F*CK UP.
17. You thought the periods he was using were because he was being grammatically correct, but he’s actually just kind of a dick.
The one time I DON’T read into something too deeply!
18. You saw his dick pic, and you were disappointed in real life.
And now you’re wondering whose dick that was…
19. You thought he was “the one,” but it turns out you just projected all your fantasies on one person.
Bummer. Total bummer.