We Weren't Together, Yet We Still Broke Up


Here's the story: You meet a guy who seems charming, and you take the time to try to get to know him. You find him absolutely attractive and together, you come to an agreement to take things slow.

There's no pressure to title what you are and you like where you are with him because how things are going simply feels right.

You’ve been talking to this guy who sparked your interest for months now. But suddenly, things change between the two of you and all of a sudden, you no longer hear from him. It's over before you can ask why.

Rather than feeling a mutual understanding for why you parted ways, you are stuck feeling like you broke up. Yet, there was never an official title or acknowledgement of your relationship in the first place, so you feel weird about how you feel.

That's exactly how I felt when I experienced those same emotions a few years back and I will admit that it was devastating. It wasn't necessarily that the guy I didn't hear from made me feel awful, but more so that it happened without warning and the painful change became my sudden reality.

Ultimately, I realized that he was never a good guy in the first place and that I was the one who was left feeling emotionally scarred. I couldn't shake the feeling of going through a breakup with a guy who was never really my guy.

Maybe I felt this way because of the memories I created with him, the conversations we had, how we felt for each other or the promises he made to me. Maybe I was naïve to think that being with an unattached guy would make things less complicated and less stressful for me.

However, that wasn't the case. I was left feeling angry, confused and hurt all at the same time. For me, the connection I had with my "special guy friend" was real at the time, but agreeing to avoid being officially together was the price I had to pay for the lack of commitment played on both of our parts.

Today's dating world is absolutely out of whack, as a few of my friends are going through similar situations. Recently, my good friend expressed her pain to me when her special guy completely disappeared with no explanation.

As I sat and listened to her express how hurt and confused she felt about the guy who technically wasn’t her boyfriend, all I could do was think to myself about how that used to be me.

As I watch her go through the same grieving process, as if she was going through a breakup, I ask myself how these glorified friendships end up backfiring. Do we set ourselves up and walk into situations that cause us more emotional harm than good?

Even though a couple may not officially be an item, depending on the circumstances, it doesn’t mean the relationship doesn't or didn’t exist. Titles are only so important, as whether or not they’re in place won’t have a real influence on how you classify someone to be your ex.