People are always telling me that I wear the proverbial pants in my relationships. Other than a disastrous stint dating a controlling financier who was 15 years my senior, I've always preferred having some modicum of control with the guys I've dated.
It confuses the hell out of people when you take on what is considered the "man's role" in a relationship. When you're a woman who takes no sh*t from anyone and knows what she wants, it's intimidating. Most men aren't into that flavor of fierceness.
There are two types of guys who are into a woman like that. One is a doormat, and the other is so self-assured that he can appreciate the beauty and mighty fabulousness of an independent woman.
I like to date the second guy. I'm not going to apologize for being strong AF, and I need a man who can handle that sh*t.
Here are 16 things that happen when you wear the pants in your relationship. Any girl boss knows all of these things to be true.
1. You're the one who needs catching.
Your courting period was non-traditional. He was the one who was interested in becoming your boyfriend. You were really great at being single. He chased you, and eventually you were down for the relationship.
2. He pushes for labels; you're overly cautious.
He is the one who wants to put a label on the relationship and lock things down. You are the one who is flighty about the idea of settling down.
He is the one who wants to have those serious talks about your relationship, and you're just trying to get another drink.
3. You are the one you always wants to f*ck.
He can take on the dominant role in the bedroom, but your sex drive is always going to far surpass his.
You're the one who is pushing for sex on the regular when he just wants to snuggle. You're usually on top; you want to f*ck him, not get f*cked.
4. Waiters address you first.
The waiter always brings you the wine and hands you the check. You split the check, or you pay. You aren't having any of that "he pays" bullsh*t.
You're a hardworking woman, not some dainty flower.
5. He always texts you first.
You're busy, and he just wants to check in. It's kind of sweet. You just aren't sitting around constantly thinking about him. The only time you text him first is when you're checking to make sure he made it home safely after a night out.
6. He cries a lot more than you do.
You are the one who is supposed to be emotional, but that just isn't how it plays out for you.
He's the one who gets teary-eyed. He isn't afraid to show you his feelings, and you're just struggling to understand them. You know it takes a real man to be vulnerable.
7. He loves being the little spoon.
There really isn't anything better than sliding in behind him and snuggling between his shoulder blades. You may be spooning him, but it's a delightful cuddling experience for both of you.
He doesn't want the weird boner and face full of hair; you don't want a limp wrist between your boobs. Everyone wins.
8. You're protective of him.
You are ready to throw the f*ck down if anyone tries to mouth off to your boo. You are a strong-ass lady.
You've found yourself yelling at people regularly over him. No one is going to be disrespectful to your man in front of you. You'd be the first one to throw a punch in a bar, and you aren't ashamed of it.
9. You get used to getting your way.
Being in a more dominant, masculine role means that you get used to being in control of most facets of your relationship. You choose the restaurants, the bars and the vacation spots. It can get very difficult to argue with you because you're not used to being told what to do.
10. You get a little shy about your soft moments.
Like most guys, you have your softer moments behind closed doors. You get overwhelmed by your sudden bursts of ~feelings~ and love for your boyfriend. He loves these moments. He lives for them. And you even start to like them too.
11. Most people don't understand your dynamic.
When you aren't a ~regular~ girl (fawning all over your boyfriend, being a basic Barbie mess), people just don't know what that's about. They don't know what to make of it. They see you two and wonder why you get away with being so bossy and aggressive. Those people are stupid.
12. You're unapologetic about your success.
You are a successful, career-driven woman. You put yourself and your career above all else, and you are not sorry about it. Your boyfriend supports your ambitions and successes without hesitation. He's with you because you're independent and driven, not in spite of it.
13. He is the one making plans for the future.
Your boyfriend likes talking about the future and what it holds for the two of you. You're more of a carpe-diem kind of person. As much as you're not planning ahead, you don't mind hearing that he's future oriented. It's a little scary, but it's also exciting.
14. Your parents are obsessed with him.
He has a really close relationship with your mother. Your parents love him because how could they not? He's lovely, sweet and actually treats you nicely. He's the kind of person they see you ending up with.
It adds some pressure to your relationship, but it's better than your parents hating him! Right?!
15. You are the one who asserts your independence.
You see all your girlfriends throwing away their time alone for being with their boyfriends. You hate when they ditch you for plans and seem to fall off the face of the earth just because they found a bae.
You just aren't like that. You want to have at least three nights on your own and plenty of time with your friends.
16. You're a partnership before anything else.
What it really comes to is that you aren't dating some little doormat bitch that does everything you say. You're just not some feminine/masculine cliché.
You're together because you love each other. You support and love each other, no matter how odd your relationship dynamic may seem.