I used to be the queen of post-breakup revenge. It was not a cute look. Prepare to hate me.
Once, when an ex was cheating on me, I wrote an angry letter to the girl he was cheating on me with, and then, I proceeded to hook up with the guy's best friend and roommate. (Desperate, right?)
Then, there was the time I was dating the lead singer of a band and, when he wasn't paying enough attention to me, thought it would be a good idea to start making out with the drummer to make him jealous.
I also hooked up with an ex's younger brother after a breakup. Yikes. I'm not sure if it gets worse than that.
None of those things did anything except make me feel bad about myself. I might as well have just painted a huge "crazy and desperate" sign across my forehead in red letters.
But sometimes, when you are hurt, the soul seeks revenge. You're only human.
So when you're angry, and need to fuel that bitterness somewhere, here are ways to get revenge on your ex that are pretty, not petty.
1. Start Exercising
If you're feeling anxious after a breakup and don't know what to do with your newfound free time, then channel it into your own physical and mental health, and get out and exercise.
It can be easy to fall into depression or isolate yourself once your heart has been broken. Instead of taking your breakup out on your ex, use it to better yourself. Get hopeful instead of hopeless.
Adopt a workout plan (here's a specific "get over him" workout) that will get you moving, increase your endorphins, force you to be social, and get you out into nature. Before you know it, you'll start feeling and looking your best, and you won't give a f*ck about your ex anymore.
No dude, new you.
2. Adjust Your Social Media
When you're going through a breakup, it can be easy to want to go through a social media war.
You'll likely want to subtweet constantly, put up thirst traps on Instagram to make him miss you, and go out of your way to show pictures of other guys on your Snapchat and Instagram stories. You might even put sad song lyrics up on your Facebook or share your emo Spotify playlist. Who knows?
All of these things are a bad look. So if you're going through a break up, here are some options.
Try to stay off social media completely until you feel better, and you're truly over your ex. Or, you can fake it until you make it, and only post pictures of you looking normal, happy, and not trying too hard. Post sparingly, convincingly, and authentically, without any sappy captions that have the intention of getting a reaction out of your ex.
Then, there's always the third route of just blocking your ex everywhere — the social media blackout.
This will help you to focus on yourself and improve your own life, instead of lending all your attention to making your ex jealous or getting revenge on him.
There is nothing more hurtful to someone than complete indifference. So if you truly want to get revenge on someone, then actually get over them.
How do you get over them?
Well, the best way to get through a breakup is to forgive, and that can be tough, but better for yourself and your future relationships.
Once you're truly over him, and he senses that, there's really no better revenge. After all, once you break up, it's just a race to see who can actually get over the other first, right?
4. Change Your Netflix Password
And the Hulu and HBO GO passwords, too, while you're at it.
One of my exes still has my Hulu password, and I have to figure out why he is constantly watching Ace Ventura and Toddlers & Tiaras, seemingly on a loop.
After a breakup, there's no reason your ex should still have access to the things you pay for. Whether it's a gym membership or video subscription service, boot them off and don't give them any warning.
And if they try to fight you on it, tell them they should pay for Hulu and Netflix themselves, and watch The Handmaid's Tale while they're at it.
5. Make Art
Taylor Swift has literally made a career out of capitalizing off her relationship drama. So instead of moping around, why not make some art about it?
Whether it's just a craft night with friends or the beginning of a new career, all great things usually stem from heartbreak — books, movies, and almost every song on the radio.
Plus, when you're fresh out of a relationship, it's the best time to re-ignite your passions and dive back into your career. So if you're a writer, then write. If you're a singer, then sing about it. If you're an artist, paint.
Figure out the silver lining in your relationship, find out what the lesson was, and think about how people other than yourself might be able to relate to it. Then, make some art about it, and share it with the world. (But maybe don't sell your ex out. Change names, etc.)
Do you have ways to get revenge after a breakup that don't involve your ex? I want to hear them. Let me know in the comments.