We are all guilty of falling for that charming guy who keeps glaring at us from across the room. He stands tall among his friends – confident, interested, coy and daring. Your heart rushes when he glances at you and offers a half smile. Before you know it, the assh*le has your attention.
What is it about these men that women find so irresistible? Why do they keep reeling us in? I’ve dated one in my life, I admit. Post-breakup and all, I was searching for something I didn’t really know I wanted – love, I guess.
He was that guy. The charmer. He made me smile, laugh, broke me down and made me feel whole again. But, that didn’t last long. The fighting, the trust issues and the ego trips quickly revealed themselves. Yep, I fell in love with the ash*le.
There’s something about these people. But the real reason we keep finding them in our lives is that we want them there. Here are the five truths behind why women love assh*les:
1. Everyone loves the confident guy
In high school, there are cliques: the jocks, the popular girls, the nerds, the potheads and the misfits. Among the group of jocks, there is always that one guy who oozes confidence with his ability to play sports, his academic skills and his general knowhow around the school.
Chances are, he’s probably the biggest bully and makes the not-so-cool kids cry in the bathroom, but the girls have his name doodled on their agendas. Why? Because confidence is sexy and sexy is cool. In high school, we all want to be cool.
Fast-forward past high school to when every woman loves men who go for what they want. Assh*les give off this vibe, but when you really get to know them, it turns out that their “know-it-all” attitude is actually clouded by arrogance.
2. Women love a challenge
Just like Rihanna said, “Baby, you’re a challenge. Let’s explore your talent,” women like to believe that they can change disturbed men. Some women have the savior complex and are usually attracted to the same types of men -- men who need to be pushed in the right direction, past their bad-boy habits.
But, once the excitement of trying to change someone for the better dies down, you’re left with a broken heart and a man who is emotionally unavailable.
3. Society tells us to want him
With fictitious characters like Christian Grey from “Fifty Shades of Grey” and Mr. Big from “Sex and the City,” society tells women that it’s okay to fall for these challenged, cocky men. Anastasia Steele falls in love with a complex man who is obsessed with BDSM.
Not only are his tastes particular, but he is also the epitome of a controlling, egomaniac. Yet, every woman in America wants to have his babies. The story of a young, innocent woman whose love changes a broken man is enticing enough for women to want to make it a reality.
Take Mr. Big, Carrie Bradshaw’s on-again, off-again love interest in “Sex and the City.” He’s a man who constantly complains about being unavailable for love and holds a confident persona throughout the entire series. Women love him.
If books, television and movies are saying it’s OK to fall for an assh*le, then, yes, I suppose it’s OK.
4. They may never commit and that’s fine with you
These men will probably never commit to a longterm relationship, and that’s fine with you because who would want to put up with all of that drama on a daily basis? Just like guys are attracted to superficially hot girls, some women are attracted to assh*les because they are the men who refuse to make you look for something deeper.
Women who seek casual flings or relationships that won’t necessarily measure up to much tend to fall for these types of men.
5. Underlying issues force you to love them
More often than not, the woman who falls for the jerk is covering up past issues. The issues can be family hardships, past breakups and insecurities, among other things.
It becomes a vicious cycle for these women, who continue to run after the same men: the men who offer a temporary fix of affection, love and attention, but quickly contribute pre-existing issues by treating the women badly.
Until these women are ready to accept whatever baggage they have in their lives to get over the assh*le phase, they will continue to kneel before them.
Don’t give assh*les the satisfaction. Search for something real and remember that sometimes, the nice guys who do finish last are the ones worth waiting for.
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