The 10 Most Right-Swiped Names On Tinder Could Not Be More Basic


When creating your Tinder profile, there are so, SO many things to take into consideration.

Which photos do you want to include? Just face? Full body? Friends or no friends? Open teeth smile, or mysterious no teeth smile? For the love of GOD, do you include a bathing suit shot?!

How many interests is too many interests? If you say you like music, is that basically the same thing as saying you like breathing?

What age should you put down? You might FEEL like a 27 when really you're a 23. But love doesn't know any number, is that right? IS THAT THE SAYING?!

And for all that is holy and good in this world, what, I mean WHAT do you put in your bio? A joke? A sentimental quote? The fact that you are in finance or grad school or communications — what are you, an idiot?!

And your name! Don't forget your name! What name should you put down?!

Wait. Probably your real one.

But how do you know if it will turn someone on or off?!?!

Well, the verdict is in, everybody. We can all go home now.

Tinder has officially announced the top 10 right-swiped names for males and females in 2016, and I'll tell you what... NONE of them are Jamie.

So I guess I'll just go fuck myself.

Here are the lucky assholes with "sexy" names:


  1. Lucas
  2. Ryan
  3. Matthew
  4. Nick
  5. Josh
  6. Brandon
  7. Justin
  8. Ben
  9. Adam
  10. Andrew


  1. Hannah
  2. Emma
  3. Lauren
  4. Julia
  5. Emily
  6. Rachel
  7. Samantha
  8. Katie
  9. Anna
  10. Sara

I am not here to shit on anybody's name parade, but Hannah? HANNAH gets the most swipes right?!

I'm going to blame Lena Dunham and Miley Cyrus, respectively. Besides Hannah on "GIRLS" and "Hannah Montana," the only other Hannah I know collected rocks and kept them in her school locker. I am JUST saying.

These names could not be more boring or more white.

If the list was accurate, it would look like this:


  1. Javier
  2. Levi
  3. Gabriel but his friends call him Gabe
  4. Taye Diggs
  5. McDreamy
  6. McSteamy
  7. Zane
  8. Dr. Anything
  9. Max but his mom calls him Maxwell
  10. Anything the II.


  1. Jamie
  2. Reese
  3. Demi
  4. Winona
  5. Kim
  6. Kourtney
  7. Khloe
  8. Kendall
  9. Kylie
  10. Rob

Wait, what?