You message them. They don’t write back. You message another match. No response. The person you matched with last week isn’t writing back either, and at this point, you’re asking yourself what the heck is going on. Did the algorithm change on the dating app you’re using? Is something wrong with your profile? It’s super frustrating to feel like you’re shouting into the void on dating apps, but before you delete them all in a fit of rage, know this: On Tinder, getting no response from matches can mean a lot of different things. Try not to take it personally, friends.
According to professional dating profile writer Eric Resnick, over a quarter of the users on swipe-based dating apps like Tinder are likely just there to look at profiles for entertainment purposes. “Many of these people just swipe without any intention of communicating with you,” Resnick tells Elite Daily. “Some are just swiping mindlessly to get to the next profile.”
Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show agrees, saying that for many people, swiping on dating apps is all about volume. “This is not an intimate, interpersonal process,” Klapow tells Elite Daily. “It is about finding as many possibilities as possible with the hopes of finding, within the possibilities, someone they are interested in.”
You may simply be matching with folks who aren’t looking for legit connections — but if that’s not the case, then here are some other explanations for why your matches aren’t biting.
Your Message Didn’t Include A Question
Though it’s super tempting to send all your matches a “hey” and call it a day, Resnick encourages dating app users to give the messages they send some thought. “The best move is to ask them a question about something in their profile,” Resnick says. “First messages should be questions that can’t be answered in a yes or no.” If you match with someone who calls themselves a “coffee aficionado” in their bio, ask them, “How do you like your coffee?” If they claim their fondest childhood memory was vacationing with their family, try, “Where’s the best place you’ve ever vacationed?” The possibilities are endless here.
Your Message Was Too Lengthy
Just as “hey” won’t get you a response, there’s a good chance your novel-length message will get you passed up, too. With so many matches out there, most people won’t take the time to read the paragraph you’ve sent, no matter how witty or insightful. As SpoonMeetSpoon owner Meredith Golden previously told Elite Daily, "Long-winded is unattractive on apps. How many times have you been stuck in a conversation with a talker, smiling on the outside, but cringing on the inside, trying to plan your exit? Well, same goes for dating apps, but there's no need for social graces.” Instead, that message you spent so long composing will just be ignored.
Your Message Wasn’t Original
If you’re using the same tired pick-up lines on every match, then you shouldn’t be too surprised if you’re not getting the results you want. And if you’re using a pick-up line that isn’t even original to you, then you should def retire it and try a new approach. As Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of A Little Nudge, previously pointed out to Elite Daily, “You don't need (or want) to attract everyone; you want to attract the people who think you're the cat's meow because of your uniqueness.” Show those matches just how unique you are!
Your Message Relied Too Much On Emojis
Emojis can be a super fun way to add some personality to a message — but when you don’t know someone, it’s better to use them in moderation. Not everyone interprets all emojis the same way, and even if someone can figure out what you're trying to get across, it'll probably take too much time and effort, which may lead them to ignore your message. "The goal is to catch someone's attention in a short amount of time," Ettin said. "Using too many emojis causes someone's eyes to glaze over because they don't want to have to decipher each one.”
Your Message Came On Too Strong
While it can be hard to find a balance between feisty and abrasive, you should be careful not to alienate matches with a message that’s too forward. What you hoped would make someone laugh may actually cause offense, so you should probs save messages that are sexual or strongly opinionated for when you get to know your match better. As Golden pointed out, if “you wouldn’t say it in public,” you shouldn’t say it to a match. “There’s a reason you don’t walk into a Starbucks and say, 'If you voted for Trump, I can’t ever sit next to you,’” she added.
If you’re worried the reason no one is responding to your messages has more to do with you than it does with them, stop right there! Remember: You’re a total catch, and anyone would be lucky to match with you and chat. But while you shouldn’t have to change yourself or your profile to attract a match, as the right person for you will be attracted to exactly what you have to offer, sending a strong first message can make a big difference.
Eric Resnick, professional dating profile writer
Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show
Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of A Little Nudge
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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