When you're in a relationship with someone who isn't "the one," sometimes, you just know it won't work out. And in those cases, you prepare yourself to end it. Yes, breakups suck, they're often necessary to get us to where we're supposed to be.
In the right relationship, you'll feel comfortable and secure. You won't question how your partner feels about you or if they're "the one," because you'll know.
In the wrong one, though, you may not know exactly how you're supposed to feel. You may encounter your SO requesting things your partner should never ask you to do. And while things can seem OK on the outside, underneath the surface-level stuff, you just feel a little off.
In that vein, when you do encounter requests for things your partner should never ask you to do, you should seriously reconsider your relationship, because if they're adamant about these changes, they aren't your perfect fit.
1. Change Your Looks
Changing up our physical appearance is something we all like to do sometimes. I'm a bigger fan of change than most, so I like to change things up often, including chopping my hair off, growing it out, dyeing it, hitting things hard at the gym, getting something pierced, and/or getting a new tattoo. I like changing my looks for myself because I get pretty bored of looking the same all the time.
That said, changing your looks because your partner wants you to is never a good idea.
If someone you're in a relationship with asks you to change how you look because they'd like it better or because they are currently unhappy with how you are now, run for the hills. It doesn't matter whether your partner asks you to lose weight (which is particularly gross) or whether they want you to dye your hair because they like brunettes better — it's all bad.
A partner who's the right fit for you will actually fit you, not the idea they have of you. You're perfect as you are, so ditch the dud and find someone who loves you for you.
2. Abandon Your Beliefs
Just like changing our appearance, we all tend to go through different phases of life where we grow, change, push, pull, and update the belief systems we've had for a while. That's normal and natural, and it's also to be expected with growing up.
If you're with someone, though, who wants you to change your beliefs for them, say "bai" and move on. A solid, healthy relationship should be based on a foundation of mutual love, trust, and respect. If your partner wants you to change a fundamental part of who you are (like your belief or non-belief in a religion or lifestyle, for example), it indicates they either don't respect you as a person, they don't respect your choices, or they think the relationship won't work unless you change your views for them.
No matter what the reason is, someone who wants you to abandon or join a belief system to make them happy isn't worth your time.
3. Cut Off Friends Or Family
When a partner tries to make you cut off your relationships with friends and family, this is the first sign of them trying to isolate you, and it's a terrible indicator of things to come.
In a new relationship, it's natural to get caught up in how wonderful it is and spend less time with your besties as you start spending more time with your new partner. That said, at some point, this phase starts to dwindle, and you'll go back to seeing your friends more, even if the relationship grows into a deeper love. All of this is normal.
What's not normal, however, is if your partner specifically tries to keep you away from friends and family, or if they ask you to stop seeing or talking to certain people. Legitimate reasons aside (like if your partner encourages you to stop talking to a toxic friend because they love and support you), a partner should never try to control who comes into and goes out of your life.
If you're feeling suffocated and concerned because you've been asked to ditch some significant connections, ditch your partner instead. You'll be glad you did.
4. Relinquish Your Boundaries
We all have certain emotional and physical boundaries we've set up over time because of the things in life that have happened to us. For example, maybe you have some serious boundaries in the bedroom that you don't like crossed. Maybe you just take a while to let people in emotionally, and you like to feel comfortable establishing slow connections. Maybe you don't like to have overnights early on in a relationship because you don't feel good about someone you barely know staying in your apartment.
Whatever it is, we all have boundaries. But if someone you're in a relationship with asks you to completely relinquish those boundaries right away, they certainly aren't the right fit for you.
It's natural for boundaries to change and adapt over time as we fall deeper into a happy relationship with someone we love. That said, if someone wants you to get rid of any boundaries you have right away and gets mad because you don't, end it without looking back. That person is someone who doesn't respect you now and likely never will.
5. Give Up Your Privacy
Just like cutting off friends or relinquishing boundaries, asking you to give up your privacy is another big sign that the person you're with isn't the person you should be with long-term. Although certain secrets aren't good ones to have in a relationship (like having an affair, being a criminal, etc.), it's healthy to keep some things to yourself and to maintain your own individual identities in a relationship.
If your partner asks you to give up all of your privacy off the bat, this isn't a good sign. They might ask for your phone password or your social media account information, or even to read your journal, all for no reason.
If trust has been broken between you two somehow, then it makes more sense for your partner to be on high-alert, but even in that case, the requests should be reasonable. Asking you to have no space of your own or to give them access to every part of your life isn't something a good partner should do.
In a happy, healthy relationship, your partner won't ask you to do anything crazy or ridiculous for them. If they do, though, consider them signs that you should reconsider your relationship.
And if you find yourself facing an uncomfortable situation in your relationship after one of these requests, where your partner won't back down, end things right there and don't look back.
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