This weekend, I went out of town with a group of girlfriends, two of whom are going through breakups. I convinced everyone that renting a cabin by a lake and being surrounded by nature and sisterhood sounded better than crying over guys, amirite?
Fast forward to several hours later. Heartbroken friend #1 is making out with a hot, 21-year-old local (we are in our 30s), while heartbroken friend #2 is drunk and singing Eminem karaoke, while simultaneously screaming out "We're gonna live forever!"
When you're going through a breakup, it's easy to wallow. You can slip into Bridget Jones-ing, hiding under a blanket, drinking wine out of the bottle (or box, if you're nasty like that), and wishing things had gone differently. It's the depression route we're all used to because we're routinely shown by movies and TV shows that's what breakups look like.
But breakups are also an amazing opportunity for self-care and fun. It's time to shut the door on your previous relationship and find out who you are again — complete and alone. Reconnect with friends. Indulge yourself. Take an adventure. Learn a new language. I don't know! It's your journey!
If you need some inspiration, here are some ways to treat yourself after a breakup, instead of drowning in a pool of melted Ben & Jerry's after you've chugged an entire box of Franzia.
1. Become A Plant Mommy
I have a hard time taking care of anything. I couldn't keep my Tamagotchi alive in fourth grade, and I'm still truly terrified around babies. But when you've been in a relationship for a while, you're used to taking care of someone else, and a breakup can create a sort of nurturing void in your life.
Fill that void with a plant.
Get a fiddle leaf fig tree, a cactus, or whatever kind of plant you're attracted to that will thrive in your apartment, and start dating it. Talk to your plant. Have dinner next to it. Listen to music together. Have some drinks! (By the way, your plant should just stick to water.)
Not only will taking care of something feel good, but it will put some life and energy into your living space.
2. Go On A Girls Trip
If my girls trip story didn't convince you, then let me assure you that female energy and friendship is just what your heart needs to put itself back together.
If you can't make it out of town, invite all your best gals over for a sleepover. Get your favorite snacks, movies, games, playlists, and face masks together, and spend a night having fun and being silly. The only rule: No guy talk allowed.
Remember that you were a complete and loved person before your guy came into your life, and you're still a complete and loved person after. And while you might be sad and need a support group to talk about your breakup, girls trips are for two things only: fun and forgetting the man who broke your heart.
3. Have A Spa Day
Breakups can take a toll on you emotionally and physically. So whether it's an expensive spa or just that $20 place over at the mini mall, take some time for yourself to relax and pamper yourself.
Get a massage. Get your nails done. Get a facial. After a full day of rest and relaxation, your body and heart will thank you for it.
4. Buy Lingerie
When you're at your most single, it might seem like a weird time to buy lingerie, but I like to think of it as manifesting.
When your heart has been broken, it's easy to feel remarkably unsexy. You lose your mojo. You wonder if you're unattractive. Showering? Never heard of that word.
Buying all new sexy lingerie and wearing a matching set under your clothes is a good way to help you get your groove back. It'll also give you a boost of power and confidence throughout your day. I like to think that my undergarments are a reflection of my sexual energy and flirting prowess. Am I a pair of old underwear with holes in it, or a lacy lingerie set from Victoria's Secret?
So rip off those period-stained granny panties, and throw on something a little sexier instead. You deserve it.
5. Get Off Social Media
We all post on social media for someone, and if you're going through a breakup, you're most likely posting for your ex. To prevent some sort of social media war, I always like to take a little break from the internet when I'm brokenhearted.
I use WiFi as a weapon when I'm feeling emotionally wounded, so the best thing for me to do is get myself off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat for a while after a relationship ends. That way, I'm not monitoring another person's behavior or changing my own behavior to get the attention of someone else.
Plus, a little mystery never hurt anyone. If all the sudden your ex can't keep tabs on you, it'll leave them guessing.
6. Have A Makeover
After a breakup, sometimes you literally need to wash that man right out of your hair — new look, new you. Dye your hair. Get it cut. Hell, why not get a spray tan?
Additionally, renewing your wardrobe can be a great idea. Go vintage shopping and find cool, new pieces for your closet. See if any of your favorite stores are having deals online, or go to some flea markets. It's a great time to find some pieces that are authentically you that you can incorporate back into your closet.
And if your ex gave you clothing or jewelry you don't want any longer, donate that stuff to a Goodwill. You don't need that Buzz Lightyear sweater that'll remind you of the time you two went to Disneyland for the rest of your life. Chuck it to charity, instead.
So rather than moping, the best thing to do after a breakup is treat yourself. When you're done loving on someone else, it's time to start loving on yourself.
Do you have any ways you like to treat yourself after a breakup? Sound off in the comment section. (I hope taking a girls trip and making out with locals is one of them.)
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